‘I Support. I Prevent. I Speak.’ – And We Call Bullshit

By: Common Centsman

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ – In a year when 20 percent of Rutgers University’s undergraduate women admitted in a survey that they had experienced unwanted sexual contact, the school announced its “The Revolution Starts Here: End Sexual Violence Now” campaign to combat that problem. That was in 2015, and this week you can find many posters, buses, and postcards around campus spreading that message.

If you were hoping this space would be wasted on more comic relief from the world in which we live, buckle up, because this shit needs saying.

Now, the Office for Violence Prevention and Victim Assistance (VPVA) at Rutgers maintains that nationally 1 in 5 women will be victims of sexual assault in their lifetime. Congrats, 2015 Rutgers, you provided the environment for that quota before most considered themselves to have even started ‘adulting.’ 1 in 33 men will also experience sexual assault according to VPVA, but that leaves women nearly 7 times more likely to be targeted with up to 85 percent of victims personally knowing their perpetrators.

With a motto like “I Support. I Prevent. I Speak.,” we proudly stand behind all notions and intent in the Rutgers campaign to end sexual violence, but how is it exactly that this campaign helps us to “Prevent?” Naming departments like the RUPD, Title IX, CAPS, and the Rutgers Health Services, most resources provided in the campaign are reactive. These certainly cover the “Support” and “Speak” elements of the campaign, and for that we’re grateful. It’s grimly ineffective, though, as Rutgers themselves maintain that as little as 5 percent of sexual assaults on college campuses are reported. In the statistic that opened this article, only 28 percent of students actually responded to that survey.

Legally, Rutgers must provide a public report on its university crime statistics every year. The official school newspaper, The Daily Targum, reported that 2018 saw a drop in sexual and domestic violence cases at the main, New Brunswick campus. That may be so, but in 2019, these offenses roared back with 25 cases of rape, 12 cases of unwanted fondling, 61 cases of domestic violence, and 6 cases of stalking reported. That is a 67 percent increase in rape cases, double the amount of unwanted fondling, a 25 percent increase in domestic violence, and a 20 percent increase in stalking incidents at New Brunswick alone. And this is just the few of each offense that were reported to the university.

So, what are we to do, Rutgers? What can we do to stop sexual violence? Rutgers’ VPVA encourages bystander intervention, but what are we doing to teach ourselves better? Why do we have to wait until some heinous thing is about to happen or is in progress? What more can we do for ourselves?

This article is not satire. These are real facts and statistics. The Medium was deemed the best medium for this writing because where else would Rutgers let it slide?

Joe Pesci Accuses Macaulay Culkin of Sexual Assault on Set of Home Alone

By Zeke Faux
Member of Fox and Friends

HOLLYWOOD— Macaulay Culkin is known for his mishaps with drugs, totally falling apart to a crack-cocaine addiction along with making weird pizza eating videos, but luckily in recent years he has gotten his life back on track, getting his health back in order and starting a band. With all this great news along came some pretty dark shit. Joe Pesci has recently come out about the making of “Home Alone,” stating, “They were some of the worst years of my life, I would wake up everyday hoping my reality was untrue and once I realized this was the life I lived in I would cry…I haven’t been the same since.” He said throughout the sets of “Home Alone” and Home Alone 2” Macaulay abused him both physically, sexually, and mentally, Pesci claims the treatment was worse on set than what happened to his
character in the film.

“It all started when he asked me if I wanted to hang out in his dressing room and I thought, yeah sure Macaulay seems like a cool guy, but when I got there he told me to touch his penis. I truly admired him as an actor and I did not want to disappoint him and I knew that if I didn’t he would overpower me anyway or ruin my career because he was a much more popular actor than I was. He forced me to call him Kevin and recite lines from the film as he touched me, it was degrading and made me feel stupid. He would slap my butt in front of everyone on set and they all just laughed saying how adorable he was, I wanted to cry, but I was to embarrassed so I had to hold in the tears.”

We decided to contact Marv (real name not important) and when asked about he just started crying and moaning words that were inaudible. When asked if he was going to sue, Pesci said, “No amount of money could give me my life back, this is who I am now. This is who I’ve been for nearly 30 years.”

How Much Evidence Does There Have to be for you to Feel Morally Wrong About Voting for a Child Predator

Grown Men Are Finally Getting Sexually Educated

BY Linda Albert

Ever since this whole sexual harassment scandal started to unfold with Bill O’Reilly, Harvey Weinstein, Louis C.K., Kevin Spacey, Brett Ratner, George Takei, Roy Moore etc., I’ve noticed some odd behavior in the office. It all started with Paul from accounting bringing in donuts every day for the past week and offering them to the ladies of the office and Kyle before anyone else. Then there was George from marketing who complimented my blouse and then quickly muttered, “I mean, only in a professional way, I like the color, nothing else.” And then there’s Dennis in sales who accidentally bumped into me as we were leaving the elevator and started profusely apologizing for touching me, claiming, “It was a complete accident. I’ve never wanted to touch your body. Not even that time at the company picnic.”

It’s as if they’re all on the defensive, afraid that any past action can and will be used against them, and it will. I kind of pity the way they shudder, tiptoeing around the office, cautious of every decision and comment they make. But it’s about freakin’ time. I’m tired of them thinking it’s okay to comment about screwing the secretary or have a literal dick-measuring contest in the break room. They need to learn to behave as professional adults and they should be afraid that at any moment they could lose their jobs for being perverted assholes. And Gary, if at the next board meeting if I catch you staring at me while you have your hand down your pants, you know damn well I’ll report you. I am now empowered and will take down anyone that tries to go down on me.

Kevin Spacey Movies That Are Suddenly Relevant

By Heywood Jablomi

6. The Usual Suspects ­– If only because he’s on track to become one.

5. Iron Will — Probably hoped to study how to break one.

4. When You Remember Me — I suppose he was hoping it wouldn’t come to that.

3. Baby Driver — He was probably disappointed it wasn’t about driving babies.

2. A Show of Force — The blurbs just write themselves at this point.

1. Consenting Adults — I mean, come on.

My Experience at Eastern State Penitentiary: Terror Behind the Walls

PHILADELPHIA — If anyone has been to a haunted house, they know the drill. Lots of loud jump scares with spookily dressed people that laugh or scream or something. Yawn, predictable. My experience at Eastern State, however, was so much more. Those places are lame because there is never anything at stake, because they can’t touch you. What makes Terror Behind the Walls immersive is that they can grab you, separate you from your group, bring you down secret passageways, fondle your balls, pretty much do anything to you! When I went with a couple of friends, I immediately got separated and brought to a dark room by a hooded figure. He then proceeded to probe my asshole while laughing maniacally. I was so scared! Oh man did they get me good. When I finally caught back up to my group, I was laughing so hard I was crying. When they asked me what happened, I couldn’t even tell them, because the man said to tell no one or he would grab me again and scare me even harder! I highly recommend this event to anyone that’s willing to get a little extra spooked this year, and isn’t afraid of a little invasion of personal space.

Little Bill: I Never Want to Grow Up to be Like Harvey Weinstein

BY Sue Denimm
An Editor Has No Name

NEW BRUNSWICK — Allegations against Harvey Weinstein have been snowballing, as more and more people have been accusing the Academy Award-winning producer of sexual assault. Even more devastating is the impact this has had on Hollywood’s younger, more impressionable members, who have looked up to Weinstein as a role model. Hit especially hard is the star of the popular children’s television series “Little Bill,” Little Bill.

TOUCHY SUBJECT The stars of the famous Nickelodeon show just horsin’ around

“It’s real hard when the adults you think are so cool turn out to be big jerks. I looked up to Mr. Weinstein ‘cuz I thought he made real good movies. I hope I never grow up to be a person that hurts poor innocent girls like that,” said Little Bill.

The popular television show has been off the air since 2004, but the rambunctious little cartoon boy won’t hesitate to share his thoughts on the world.

“I just love being happy and spreading love to everyone! I love puppies, drawing, and people that don’t turn out to be rampant sexual offenders!”

Since the allegations, Weinstein has been fired from the Weinstein Company and been denounced by every known member of Hollywood that has ever had the slightest interaction with the producer. It is difficult to remember the last time such heinous actions were done by such a beloved media personality.

Little Bill finished off by saying, “I won’t let this stop me from looking up to people who still bring happiness to people. Comedians, black public figures, stars of popular family T.V. shows. Especially ones that always smile and wear colorful sweaters, ‘cuz you just know you can trust them.” Hopefully this trend of violence and sexual misconduct in the movie industry doesn’t continue, because the crushed aspirations of a small animated television youngster would be too much to handle for the American public. We’re watching over you, Little Bill.

Trump Tapes Inspire Many

BY Elusive
Tired of Yo Shit

WASHINGTON—The release of Donald Trump’s recordings have continued to cause more backlash for the candidate and the GOP. Perhaps just as important, however, is the rise of sexual assaults that have occurred since the recordings were released.

Previously, it had been reported by the Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network, also known as RAINN, that an American is sexually assaulted every 109 seconds.

Since the release of Trump’s “locker room” tape, that has changed to every 0.5 seconds. Anti-Sexual Assault Organizations have said that they believe this is a direct result of the release of a 2005 recording of Donald Trump.

The tape, which includes Trump making vulgar statements about grabbing women “by the pussy,” has reportedly given many American citizens the moral green light to commit or attempt to commit sexual assault.

“From what I gathered, I can’t get into any trouble for forcing myself on women, because everyone will just blame Mexicans, and probably ISIS. All this time I thought I needed a woman’s permission, but what I really needed was a pair of balls. Donald Trump taught me that, and I am thankful,” said Frederick Barron, a self-proclaimed “proud deplorable.”

Despite the overwhelming negative response to Trump’s statements, the GOP still stands by their candidate. Instead, Trump supporters are commending him, stating that the tapes simply further reinforce the notion that Donald Trump “just keeps it real.”

“Yes what Trump said was abhorrent, but Hillary has said and done much worse,” said Trump’s running mate, Mike Pence. “I’ve heard stories about Hillary during her college years, one harrowing story involved a drunk girl who asked Hillary for a hair tie. Hillary denied having a spare, despite wearing at least two on her left wrist. Now I ask you, do you want a president who is so clearly against helping women?”

House Speaker Paul Ryan also had his own share of opinions regarding Trump’s statements.

“His words do not represent the GOP or our beliefs,” said Speaker Ryan. When asked if that meant that he, or the GOP, would rescind their endorsement of Trump, Ryan said, “Well, no…probably not. But we won’t be his cheerleaders either!”