BY Allison Emmerly
China is a vast diverse land with different dialects, races of dragons and most importantly-some would argue-different styles of food. Yet, somehow, we Americans think it is totally acceptable to lump all types of food into one category as Chinese food.
It is wholly ignorant to characterize all of the rich delicacies, from the Tibetan Plateau to the Yellow Sea, as one type of cuisine. This type of overgeneralization fails to recognize the rich intricacies of a dish and denies attribution of the food to its heritage-say between a Mongolian beef, with its notes of garlic and ginger, and a Hunan beef, with its trademark hints of Thai chili. It would be a crime to neglect different flavor profiles created by the artisanal vinegar common in Shandong dishes compared to the common use of garlic in Cantonese dishes.
By lumping them all into one category, you are insulting each region and each culinary history. Would it ever be acceptable to group the unique elements that make up New England clam chowder and New Orleans gumbo and categorize them as American soups? Hell no! It’s time we take aim at this uninformed and somewhat racist approach to food taxonomy. I will no longer order from my local chinese restaurant until they change titles to “insert Chinese region here” restaurant, no matter how delicious their Egg foo young is, nor until they accurately follow the recipe for Kung Pao chicken and add both peanuts and authentic Shaoxing wine and I encourage you to do the same. This blatant whitewashing has gone on for too long and we must take a stand where it matters: at the take-out box.
Grammar Nazis Are the Worst Type of Nazi
BY Rick White
I feel like neonazis get a bad rap because we believe jews, blacks, non-whites etc. aren’t people. And I get it-if I were a jew, Black, non-white etc, I guess I would kinda be like what the heck, I am a person! But grammar nazis are soooo much worse. Like where did they come from? They not only attack aforementioned groups, they attack everyone regardless of race, religion or whether you believe your race is superior. I’d say a group that targets everyone and how they speak is way more bad than our way more narrower targets. Like, say for example, you are a law abiding, money-grubbing Jew. Grammar nazis would persecute you, not because you’re a money-grubbing Jew, but solely because you don’t refer to the antecedent with a pronoun. Like what the hell? Grammar nazis clearly don’t understand the point behind being a nazi. It’s not about attacking someone for how they speak, it’s about attacking someone who isn’t racially pure solely because of physical or ideological characteristics.
Neo-Nazis Are Clearly Worse
Woah, woah, woah. Before I even get into the content of your argument, I must first make some comments on the form in which it’s written. You seem to haphazardly capitalize proper nouns at some times and arbitrarily leave them in the lower case other times. Additionally, you ended a sentence on a preposition, which is now socially acceptable in everyday discourse, but is grammatically still incorrect. Furthermore, you almost correctly utilized the comma, but you forgot to use a conjunction after it when connecting two independent clauses. Now onto your claim that grammar nazis are “more bad” and why regardless of the factual implication you make, this is simply incorrect because bad can’t be used as a comparative, so you would have to replace it with “worse.” On that same note, “narrower” is already comparative, therefore the “way more” is redundant and not grammatical. Now let’s talk hyphens… Here, you use “law abiding” as a single idea to modify “Jew,” so you need to hyphenate them to create a compound adjective. You correctly hyphenated “money-grubbing,” so I don’t know why you didn’t apply the rule to the previous modifier. Overall, you do not seem have a clear grasp on many simple grammatical rules, as evidenced by correct employment of rules in some cases, but not others. It seems that when you skipped class in grade school for some skinhead meetup, you missed a few crucial grammar lessons.
No no no no no, I got this. You guys don’t know what you’re talking about. No no no no, I’m fine. Really I’m fine, just let me talk. I study this stuff in school. Yeah I got to class, shut the fuck up, Rachel. The media covers this all wrong. It’s all just one big cover up. Yeah I actually believe that. Damn it Rachel just let me fucking talk–wait yo Adam are you going into the kitchen? Can you get me another beer? Hey, no, I was talking. I know I’m drunk but I still know what I’m talking about. As I was saying: this has been a problem throughout history. I mean look at the Civil War. Things don’t change, just you don’t hear people talking about it all the time, that’s why you don’t think it’s a problem, Rachel. Hey. I said I’m fine. It’s just one more beer. Fucking Rachel, am I right? You just don’t get it Rachel. You think all of the world’s problems will go away by just batting your eyes. Well that’s not how it works, Rachel. The media, Rachel. Read between the lines, Rachel. Things are not what they seem to be, just read a textbook. I just learned about all of this. Am I not making sense to you? This is cut and dry. I am drunk. I am not wrong, but yes I am drunk. Hey, no, don’t discriminate. You’re discriminating. That’s discriminating. I’m allowed to drink this beer. It’s all your fault, Rachel. Look at what’s happening here, Rachel. Look at what you’re making me do, Rachel. It’s all a big cover up. I’m out!
BY Fui Von Wiwii
Yesterday afternoon, I walked my wretched being down to our rustic old IHOP, looking only to drown my consciousness in viscous molasses of various colors and essences. However, upon arrival at the establishment, my gloom transformed into contempt as they try to shove their family-friendly, corporate, faux happiness down my tired throat.
I ordered their Create-A-Face Pancake to fashion my feelings of despair onto the canvas of a buttermilk pancake. However, they mistook my order, I suspect deliberately, and served me a Funny Face Pancake, the quintessence of mock euphoria; the edible personification of a barely legal porn star just trying to pay off debts.
Afterwards, I ordered their free stack of pancakes, hoping to forget the mistakes IHOP and I have made in the past. One bite put an end to that misconception. I broke down into tears, the porous flapjacks absorbing my tears with ease. The wait staff attempted to console my shattered soul, but nothing can mend me now. The only thing I could do was leave, never to look back at the ruins I have left in my wake.
7/10. Free pancakes are still free.