Get in My Van
BY Dixon Scott
Alright, kid, I know what your parents told you. “Don’t get into a stranger’s vans if they offer you candy.” And alright, fair enough, but I’m not just offering you candy. I’ve got pizza and ice cream in here too-as much as you could want. Eat as much of anything as you’d like. If you don’t tell your parents, then you won’t get in trouble. There’s no bedtime in here either; you can stay up playing as late as you want. Think of me like your grandpa-the rules at your house don’t apply in mine. Yeah, that’s a good boy, come on in. You’re gonna have a great time here.
No, Get in My Van
BY Hans Norman
Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard all about Dixon and his van. Well listen up, because I’ve also got pizza and ice cream. Offering nothing but candy is for the geezers that are all dropping out of the game. Not only that, but this offer isn’t just for you, you can invite as many friends as you want. Don’t worry, I’ve got plenty of the good stuff for everyone. It’ll be the best slumber party of your life, trust me. No? Not interested? Alright, bonus offer. I’ve got a lot of ice cream for you guys, it’s gonna get very messy. So just don’t bother with clothes! This van is a clothing-optional zone. Kids hate clothes, right? Tonight, you don’t have to bother. So go get your friends and let’s have a good old naked time!