By Cin Drariug
Joe Biden likes people. He likes chocolate chip ice cream and puppies and rainbows. Joe Biden is compassionate. Joe Biden is a person of the people and for the people. He is an angel for the masses, the hero that the American people do not deserve. Some speculate that he might be the second coming of the messiah but The Medium has not received any comments from Heaven about this claim.
Perhaps the biggest reason why Joe Biden has recently been voted as being the top choice to have his face “sat upon” is because of the contrast from the previous president. Donald Trump’s disastrous border policy was, disastrous. Donald Trump personally ripped children out of their parents’ hands because he got a kick out of it. Donald Trump’s face has too much spray tan to be sat on safely. But now that Joe Biden is president he has finally managed to restore the pride to our democracy.
And one way he did that is by reuniting a grand total of zero migrant families. Man, Trump will be so pissed when he finds out that those kids are back together with their parents. Wait. What? No. He didn’t reunite any families? Not even one? (Source)
Ok. At least Biden raised the number of refugees allowed in the US from their historic lows created by Trump to the 125,000 he promised on the campaign trail. After swift action by the Biden team, currently, at this moment, 15,000 refugees are allowed! Yay!
Wait, isn’t that the same number that the Trump administration had? Shit, shit, shit.
Wait no, after political pressure, Biden’s press secretary said that they’ll set a final cap of refugees on May 15th, to a maximum of 62,500! That’s exactly half the victory this country needed.
However, the worst part of the Trump Administration was the border wall. It was racist and corrupt and hurt American Businesses and I’m glad that Joe Biden stopped it.
The government did just seize some land for the “Mexico Border Wall” from one Baudilia Cavazos, but I’m sure that it had nothing to do with Trump’s wall. (Source)
Fuck it. Fuck you, Joe. Fuck you, Kamala. Fuck you, Trump, for making the bar so low that any changes mean you’re better. President Holloway please sit on my face.