Category Archives: Opinions

I Know it’s International Women’s Day but I Can’t Stop Thinking About Dick

By Talia Richards

I am trying my best to recall the women in my life who’ve inspired me and act like them, but the only woman I can think of is Nicki Minaj and all the anaconda she sings about. I just can’t get dick out of my head!  I know a man won’t complete me on a deep, meaningful level, but I’m willing to accept my transient sexual desires today as much as any other day.  This is supposed to be a day about reflection on women and the contributions they make to society as individuals and I really don’t want to make it about men, but the fact is women don’t usually have penises.

Professor, My Name is Not Colleen

Not by Colleen

Ok Professor, I get that it’s only the third week of school, but my name is not Colleen. If you didn’t take attendance every day and make us do a humiliating ice breaker the first day of class where we had to
share our childhood nicknames, I may have looked past this. But here we are, in a fifteen-person seminar on Victorian literature discussing the role of women in this time and I can’t help but find it a little ironic. I am literally the only girl in this class and your actions are leading me to believe that you haven’t applied what we talk about to your actual life.


I get Caught off Guard by the Olympics Every Time

By Harsh Singh

I like to think I’m a pretty-up-to date with world and national events, but the Olympics always take me by surprise. I get that they come like every two years, but that’s enough time to totally forget about them and be totally shocked when they come back around. Plus, every time they come, they come back at a different time of year than the last time. I just wish I could get a heads up next time. I like watching hundreds of countries compete on the world stage for fancy necklaces as much as the next guy, but a little prior notice so I can prepare would be great. It always seems like I am the last to know and I miss the opening ceremonies which is the coolest part. Then my friends invite me to parties and I think they’re just plain parties and they turn out to be Olympics themed. Then there’s the office pool which I completely missed out on. And they’re in South Korea! How much more exciting can it get? A country neighboring an absolute dictatorship is a recipe for unlimited international fodder, and look I’m already a week late! But also, how do they plan to play beach volleyball in February?

Headphones are not a Neck Accessory

By Alison Gomez

Dear everyone, including this one kid in my club: Headphones,
especially the over-the-ear kind, are not meant to be neck accessories. They have one purpose and that is to transmit sound waves from your electronic device to your inner ears. They have no aesthetic value whatsoever and should not be treated as a necklace, collar, neck warmer, choker, scarf, tie or anything else. You just look foolish. More than that, think about the strain on your neck due to the weight of the headphones. Plus, you might not know this, but .05% of all accidental deaths in the United States each year is caused by accidental strangulation due to cords around necks. That could be you if you’re not careful. As you can see, the risks involved with wearing headphones around your neck are high, if not in diminishing your self-esteem, actually putting your life in jeopardy.