Category Archives: Opinions

Believe it or not, my Name is not Sam

By Sam I am not

The first twenty years of my life have been a lie. To appease the whites, I have been forced to avoid the cringe-worthy conversations and change my name, which actually is Shyamasundaram Thiruvanallam, to simply, Sam. Like what the hell do you think of my parents? You think that a pure-bred Indian couple would actually name a kid Sam? No. I was born and raised in India for fuck’s sake. Always remember this, if an Indian ever gives you an Anglicized name and that small voice inside your head questions whether or not that really is his/her name, there is a 99.9% chance that your voice is right. Of course he/she is lying.

In a world where coming out as gay has become an everyday phenomenon, I am starting a new movement: #MeTooPart2. If you have been a victim of whitewashing, this movement is for you. I would really appreciate the support and now would like to be called Shyamasundaram.

If my name fazes you in any way, remember how easily triggered people get these days. No matter how hard you try to properly pronounce my name, you will be the victim for mispronouncing it. I have been the victim for twenty years, #enoughisenough. If any of you would like to donate to my cause I will be accepting donations atfuckyouforthinkingmynamewassam@gmail.com.

Student Journalism— Poor Excuse for Shitty Journalism

Good journalism educates people about events going on in the world. It makes readers aware of things that may be occurring outside of their personal bubbles. It is typically the goal of journalists to provide objective, timely, relevant stories to the general public. The imperative of journalists is to be clear and concise when conveying information to readers. However, that doesn’t mean one has to sacrifice all signs of style in one’s writing. There is simply no excuse for bad writing. Student journalists rest on their laurels as journalists, claiming their position imbues with “freedom of expression”—until they’re criticized. Then they claim, “I’m just a student,” as if that excuses them from any shitty thing they write, but that doesn’t cut it in the media world. You can’t have it both ways. Students are not excused from the basic expectations of journalistic writing simply for being students. If anything, students should be more adept at writing and should be held at higher standards, considering they are at the pinnacle of their educational careers and spend the majority of their week in classes where their writing skills are assessed by accredited
professors. Basic news reporting doesn’t require a Shakespearean command of the English language, but that doesn’t mean it takes no creative thought to string together words and ideas in pleasing ways. It is said that the youth are the most creative and as we grow up, and we lose our untainted, idealistic view of the world, but you sure wouldn’t be able to tell by the way these kids write. The lack of technique found in some student work is astounding. The headlines have astonishingly little pizzazz to entice the passerby from reading the article, let alone pick up the whole paper. If headlines are the hook that is supposed to pull the reader in, it’s no surprise that the article that follows is just a collection of uninteresting words attempting to convey some ideas to a reader. It is the view of the editorial board of this publication, comprised wholly of students, that the work of such publications should meet, if not exceed the expectations and standards of traditional print media. That means false stories, explicit bias and other such trademarks expected of all American media. From Breitbart to The New York Times to The National Enquirer, readers invest a certain hope in media outlets that the most titillating and rabble rousing matters are to appear on the front page. Readers
shouldn’t have to long for the day when they were told what to believe and how to believe. it. That day should be TODAY. Expression is a form of communication that should be protected at all costs–truth, integrity, and dignity of the author and the whole staff of a publication. Writers should be putting the reputation of the entire paper on the line with every disparaging and inaccurate headline and every out-of-context and irrelevant quote. As long as the Constitution is alive and well, so too should the presses and the cogs of propagandist mass media machine. Student journalists are our future and in their pens live the expectations all past journalists have imbued as the toll keepers of knowledge to society. With this role comes the eternal duty to dispel truth and circulate truth-tinged falsehoods. It’s not called “olds”, but “news” because the purpose is to inject new beliefs into the public mind. With that, we beseech you, young journalists to reevaluate your role and uphold the time-honored tradition that media must fulfill, that it owes to the public readership, please stop with the bad journalism and return to the standards America expects

Gym Teachers Missing the Mark: A Gun Nut’s Ejaculation

By Jared Huckabee

As the March For Our Lives, leftist, LGBT, godless, bastard children continue to call on the government to come for our guns. I believe that there is an easier and wiser strategy to prevent horrible tragedies like the shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, FL. You see, I’ve made it clear in past columns that I’m a God- fearing, wife-loving, sanctity-of-marriage-believing American. Just because some deranged deep stater decided to go off in a school with an AR doesn’t mean I should lose my Second Amendment right to own guns. For Pete’s Sake, how am I supposed to defend myself from minorities when I snoop around their neighborhoods?

Anyway, I digress, I believe that our problem cannot be remedied by the removal of guns, and that it can only be remedied by the addition of more guns into schools. Back when I was in grade school, up in Sussex County, our gym teachers used to teach us to shoot bows and arrows. We had cheap plastic arrows and cheap wooden bows and we’d learn to hit targets. Now I’m not saying that that archery isn’t a valuable skill to have, not at all! What I’m saying though, is couldn’t those targets be put to better use? Why did we have to stop at archery? I believe our gym teachers, like my former gym teacher, former marine and current patriot, Mr. McMann, should be able to teach kids to shoot rifles! I believe  that we should be teaching riflery in gym class starting in kindergarten. With the knowledge of rifles and shooting, we can be assured that our students will know the insides and outsides of guns. From the time they’re young, our children should be trained to shoot moving pigeons and stationary targets. With this, they can be in charge of defending their own schools from the insane lefties who violently push their agendas and bullets on our kids. We can even allow students who excel at shooting to be in charge of maintaining a classroom watch, similar to a neighborhood watch. These students will be in charge of concealed carry weapons in class and will guard the class with their lives. They’ll be able to shoot back at the shooters before the shooters even know what hit them. These students can also be in charge of learning CPR so as to revive their fellow soldie — errr, classmates as they fall in battl — errrr, algebra II.

I think I’ve made it clear that we cannot stand around and let the gay Jews push us around. The NRA is right, the only thing that stops a delusional transgender leftist with a gun is a good guy with a gun, and who better to arm then the kids fighting in the trenches for their right to learn about Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. (who by the way, cheated on his wife). In conclusion, God bless our children, God bless our troops, and God bless the United States.

I Know it’s International Women’s Day but I Can’t Stop Thinking About Dick

By Talia Richards

I am trying my best to recall the women in my life who’ve inspired me and act like them, but the only woman I can think of is Nicki Minaj and all the anaconda she sings about. I just can’t get dick out of my head!  I know a man won’t complete me on a deep, meaningful level, but I’m willing to accept my transient sexual desires today as much as any other day.  This is supposed to be a day about reflection on women and the contributions they make to society as individuals and I really don’t want to make it about men, but the fact is women don’t usually have penises.