By Harry Nuttsaac
Following the United States’ final removal of troops from Afghanistan and the move of the Taliban back into the spotlight of international affairs, Al Qaeda and ISIS are attempting to solidify their public image. The second and third most popular Middle Eastern terrorist organizations announced their revival earlier this month, just in time for the twentieth anniversary of Al Qaeda’s last big thing. While neither has been publicly known for their musical ambitions, Al Qaeda and ISIS have clearly been preparing themselves for this release for quite some time, as they have not only put together an album to challenge Certified Lover Boy (not quite a challenge), they have also trained two frontmen that could easily become household names.
The two new stars stepping out into the spotlight with the release of this collab, Osama bin Boppin and I$I$, representing Al Qaeda and ISIS respectively, are the global talk of the town. Rolling Stone magazine called the two stars and their pseudonyms “extremely distasteful;” Variety argued “while the new album, Shoot for the Towers, Aim for the Pentagon, is undoubtedly fire, the entire premise of it all is pretty morbid;” MTV said “new episode of Ridiculousness tonight!” It is clear that the music world is torn on Osama bin Boppin and I$I$, but what does the public think?
A poll released by Fox News states that 99% of Americans think that this is grounds for reentry into Afghanistan (although bin Boppin is Saudi and I$I$ is from Iraq), while a poll from CNN shows that 75% of Americans feel that the album is totally justified and that they should go one step further and blow up the Freedom Tower. A poll from The Medium found that the album is dope as shit. On behalf of The Medium, I would like to formally apologize for the delay in the publication of this piece. While the release of the album was on the 11th of this month, we put off publishing this piece out of fear our audience would believe it to be a joke and question our journalistic integrity.