Top Five Reasons I’m Not a Virgin

By: Red Pilled Alpha Giga Chad (Not a virgin)

1. I had sex with my girlfriend but you wouldn’t know her she goes to another school in another country but she definitely exists and I definitely put my peepee in her legs.
2. I no longer wear the purity ring that my priest gave me. I still believe in God, I just believe he wanted me to get laid. 
3. I am not a liberal.
4. I have never tasted my own seamen nor another man named Jeffery’s seamen.
5. My uncle told me I wasn’t a virgin after we played doctor downstairs in the basement alone on Thanksgiving when I was five.

I’VE FOUND A NEW WAY TO STAY A VIRGIN

BY Robin Michelle 

I’m a good Catholic girl, and as a result, I refuse to have sex before I get married. Only my husband will take my virginity, none of these walking meatsticks that you see around campus and at frat parties. The Bible says that I can not have sex so I will not!

Of course this isn’t exactly what my boyfriend wants to hear, he wants to put it in me right now and cum all over my body, and I can’t blame him. I know of the loophole that everyone uses, and yes my boyfriend does fuck me in the ass. But you know what? It’s painful! He never uses lube, because lube is Satan’s precum, and so as a result, I can’t have him fuck me in the bum anymore, because of all the tearing. There’s so much blood down there now.

But fear not, I believe I’ve found a solution that keeps my hymen intact, and keeps my boyfriend happy. So my fellow Catholic girls listen up! The past week, whenever my boyfriend has asked me to get him off, I’ve gone and picked up a cantaloupe and placed it in the microwave. Then, after about 5 minutes, I take it out and cut a cylindrical hole in it. Finally, I squeeze my thighs together to keep the melon between my legs and I guide my boyfriend slobbering cock into the hole. He thrusts back and forth and back and forth, while I stay stationary, moving is a sin! And finally when he cums, I look at him and smile a wry smile before emptying the hole’s contents into my mouth.