By Neveah “Please call me Nora” Smith
My mom gave me this fucking name because it’s “heaven” spelled backwards and that’s why I abandoned Catholocism
- You can worship as many or as few Gods as you want. Aphrodite might be a little more helpful when trying to get that cute guy in your bio lab to notice you, y’know?
- You can take the Lord’s name in vain. Which you’re gonna do anyway, but might as well not live your life pretending you’re not supposed to.
- You can be a total degenerate on Sunday if you want. I know Friday and Saturday are degen days, but sometimes you just wanna masturbate all morning instead of going to church, and that’s valid.
- You can speak openly about your parents. They’ve got great wisdom from time to time, but also some of them verbally or physically abuse their children or throw them out for being LGBT or neurodivergent. Fuck those guys.
- You can kill people. I’m not advocating random murder, of course, but I do enjoy vigilante justice. Maybe on some of those abusive parents from #4.
- You can sleep around as much as you want. As long as everyone consents, is of age, stays safe, then go wild and have fun. Don’t let anyone slut-shame you.
- You can steal things… okay, maybe some of these commandments are alright, but if you think they’re compelling reasons to be catholic, see the above.
- You can lie. Snitches get stitches, and so will Takeshi.
- You can covet your neighbor’s wife. Don’t try to cuck your neighbors unless they deserve it, but there’s nothing wrong with looking, and maybe fantasizing about your neighbor’s friendly lumberjack husband… mmm…
- You can covet your neighbor’s goods. Like last time, don’t steal stuff from innocent people, but there’s a reason Robin Hood is a hero, and it’s not because he was a good Christian boy.
The Medium 