By Harry Nuttsaac
Both a tragedy and a blessing occurred last Friday when President Biden repeatedly did what old men do best when walking up the stairs to Air Force One. It should not really come as a surprise to anyone that a 78-year-old man fell down the stairs the other day (it should be more of a surprise that he didn’t break like cheap china); what is surprising, though, is that Biden came away feeling better than ever. On his way up the 25 or so steps to Air Force One, Biden fell a whopping 3 times (New High Score!) and reversed some of the mental deterioration that has come with his age.
Once Biden was secure in the plane, a doctor on board diagnosed him with a concussion after all of his falls and, seemingly as a direct result, Biden seemed to be doing better. The President is said to have exclaimed, “My God, I forgot about raising the minimum wage! And protections for trans people! Holy shit, I forgot so much!” Doctors who have since met with Biden have confirmed that this sudden reversal of amnesia (the onset of which is dated sometime around November of last year) is most likely due to his fall.
As soon as Air Force One landed, Biden called for a press conference, seemingly to address how he has failed to make due on many of his campaign promises. During this conference, Biden told the country, “Listen mack, I totally forgot about so many promises I made to you guys. I now remember I said something about forgiving student loans, about de-escalating involvement in the Middle East, about involving the most left members of my party. I am incredibly sorry to you all for not having addressed these forgotten problems since I took office. Let me take this moment now to tell you my plans for the future on these topics: I am now going to choose to forget them. Get fucked.”
The Medium 