Tag Archives: Oscars

Madea Movies You Didn’t Know Existed Because Tyler Perry Has Beaten This Idea to Death and Because They Went Straight to DVD and Who Has a DVD Player Anymore?

1. Madea Goes to Madea: A Madea Madea
2. A Very Madea Hanukkah: Shabbat Shalom Bitches!
3. Wham! Madea Punches a Nazi in the Face
4. Oops! Madea Loses a Baby: Finds Another One!
5. Madea Goes to the Zoo: Has Okay Time
6. Shamu! Madea Gets a Job at SeaWorld
7. Madea Comes Out of the Closet: Moves to Under the Bed
8. Tyler Perry vs. Madea: A Fight to the Death
9. Madea Renews Her Contract: Here Till 2024!
10. Contract’s Up: Madea Runs for President!
11. AHHH! Madea Goes Rogue: Kills Entire Family 2!
12. Madea Checks into a Mental Institution
13. I’m Out Bitches!: Madea Checks out of Mental Insti2tion
14. Madea Gets Breast Cancer: Reevaluates Some of Her Life Decisions
15. RIP Madea: A Tribute
16. Sike! Madea’s Back and Better? Than Ever!
17. The End of an Era: Madea Gets Hit by A Bus!

Slaughter in the Court: Martins vs. Lensky

BY Radio Raheem
Fighting the Power

LOS ANGELES— The world collectively rejoiced when Leonardo DiCaprio finally won his long-overdue Oscar on Sunday night. However, he may have got a bit overzealous with his acceptance speech, which was clearly a blatant plug for everyone to support his Formula E team.

As an avid environmentalist, DiCaprio loved the idea of motorsport with electric cars so much that he actually bought a racing team.

Unfortunately for DiCaprio, nobody gives a shit about Formula E. I’m sure most people aren’t even going to make it this far in the article because they don’t have any idea what it is.

Essentially, it’s a tree-hugging, all-electric car, pansy rip-off of Formula 1, the pinnacle of motorsports.

The main difference is that the drivers in Formula E are less talented and the cars are painfully boring to watch.

leo
Left to Right: DiCaprio, a man nobody knows

The acceptance speech is DiCaprio’s last-ditch effort to try to get people to excited about electric cars, which have none of the features that make racing cars exciting.

There’s not much speed, not much noise, and definitely no belligerent redneck fans to make watching these races a spectacle to remember.

You’ve finally won, Leo. Now quit while you’re ahead.

Racial Bias Penetrates Pornos

BY Richard Longshadow
Abuse Editor

TAMPA, FL— With the Oscar’s this weekend, one notices racial bias permeates more aspects of entertainment than popular movies, as pornography has been having a problem with the frightening might of Big Black Dick.

Born Richard LaCoque, Dick has fought adversity throughout his life based on his skin color. “I was always perceived as some sort of threat to all the white girls’ brothers and fathers, as if I was some sort of violent criminal! I’m not, and it’s shameful that I’m still treated differently than the other performers.

“Porn starlets are paid more for working with black men. That’s wrong because it reflects the perception of some sort of risk inherent in getting fucked by me. This practice wouldn’t be tolerated in any other job. Your boss chooses your coworkers.”

pornAletta Ocean, 40DD-27-42, has starred in numerous black double-teams and gangbangs. “I don’t mind the extra money. When it helps keep my lips and titties full, I don’t think they should mind either. I’ve worked with B. B. Dick before and he’s a gentle lover. The only time I really needed that extra pay was when I agreed to get brutalized by Bigger Blacker Dick and Biggest Blackest Dick. That paid for me to reconstruct my ears, nose, throat, snatch, and ass. Those guys really commit to a role!”

On the other end of the spectrum, pay inequality has marginalized the Southeast Asian actors. “I have to pay production companies to hire me,” claimed Sum Wang. “It’s only temporary until they realize that the largest populations in the world want to see a relatable-sized penis.”

Oscars turn into FemiNazi Republic

BY Boxcutter

merylHOLLYWOOD, CA – The Oscars is a night of ritz and glamor for Hollywood’s best and whitest (or brightest), but Sunday evening, the Oscars served as a political platform for many. An ominous political force is spreading from the Dolby Theatre to the rest of America. Patricia Arquette, Meryl Streep and Jennifer Lopez staged a coup at the Oscars ceremony, wielding a small army of women with large guns. They call themselves the FemiNazi Republic.

Their manifesto states that if you want to see the Oscars next year, you must be for equal wages, support the right to abortion, and acknowledge the dominance of the Holy Mother, the new Republic’s mascot.

“We have fought for everybody else’s rights to dominate. It is time for women to dominate the world!” reads Patricia Arquette from her manifesto, Mein Vaginf.

“Yes! Yes!” yelled a wild Meryl Streep in response, pointing her hand in a Nazi salute.

The first request from the feminist occupiers concerned the shape of the Oscars.

“Women do not need men for sex. That’s why Oscars ought to be designed more functionally as a dildo. The current shape is not that pleasant,” said Streep, adding that her three Oscars are worn out.

This is only the first of many incoming demands that the FemiNazis promise to make, and the fear of a new state is spreading fast across the continent.

“Lock up your children, lock up your husband!” they exclaimed angrily before retreating to a private after hours female orgy. roblems,” said Andrea Tomitz, director of outreach for the CSA.

Some of their tabling activities include the writing in Moleskin dream journals, yoga workshops, and feel-good Alternative Breaks trips to developing countries.