By: Flick Booger
With the 2019-2020 NBA season barely a day old, there has been nothing but hype for the upcoming 8 months. In what has been called the greatest preseason ever, there have been numerous trades injuries that have arguably shaken up the equilibrium of the game – most notably Kawhi Leonard’s and Paul George’s move to LA, and Kevin Durant’s season-ending injury and move to Brooklyn. With balance finally restored to the NBA kingdom, fans are eager to begin rooting for their team, and shitting on everyone else who do not concur with them. With over 1 billion fans across the globe, that’s a lot of shit. Waste Management Inc. has released a statement where they say they plan on “shifting into maximum overdrive”.
In terms of fans, the NBA has the whole gamut – from diehard loyal, to perennial bandwagoners. One particular fan has caught some press recently. Tyler Mcgee of Rutgers University has claimed that he has memorized every, single Geico commercial from the beginning of time. When asked how he achieved this incredible feat, he said that he had spent the last week glued to his TV in preparation for the start of the NBA season. “Yeah, I know the real games don’t start until Tuesday, but I just wanted to prepare myself y’know? I wanted to condition my girlfriend, because trust me, I will be a dick for the next 8 months”. To test out whether or not Mcgee’s claim to fame was a farce, The Medium decided to ask him a couple of questions. A sample question asked was, “When the cavemen are dining at a restaurant with Geico’s CEO, what does the first one order”? The answer, which Mcgee immediately answered, was roast duck with mango salsa.
Because Mcgee’s unusual rise to the top of Reddit was unconventional, there were many haters. Some people said, “Why don’t you get a ducking life you duck”, to which McGee responded, “why don’t you rediscover autocorrect you tit”. Despite the trolls, Mcgee’s life has not hit rock bottom. Geico has reached out to Mcgee and has offered him a 4 year Geico commercial deal worth upwards of $10 million. According to our calculations, he will hit rock bottom after blowing his first paycheck on coke.