Tag Archives: Milf

Bring Back Bullying

BY Joyce Price

joyce.jpgI recently took my kids to see that new “Zootopia” movie — rated PG. I had heard it got great reviews and felt that it might be a great way for my daughter, Chloe, to have fun with her friends after Field hockey practice. When we got to the theater, first thing I saw was a bunch of people in animal suits. Thinking they were theater employees, I told the kids to pose for a picture; however I was told that I was “patronizing them” and “being insensitive to their culture.” An odd thing for an employee to say.

One of them even sounded like Betty [McMillan]’s son, Jackson. You know, the one that dropped out of Rowan? I went to take off his mascot head he screamed that he was “maimed” and ran off. After consulting with the other moms and a little work on Wikipedia, it turns out that these kids are something called “furries” and apparently dress in animal suits for sexual reasons. I had no idea “Zootopia” was a porno!

These kids truly believe that they are actual animals. They go around with fake ears and tails, calling themselves “tri-gender Pyrofoxes” or something. We never had people parading around like forest critters when I was growing up. We all knew how to act in public!

The other mothers and I to thinking and we realized that these misguided kids were all our fault. For years, parents waged a war on bullying. We said that everyone is their own special snowflake. What we never realized was, exactly how creepy some of these snowflakes can be. We have kids these days calling themselves “wolves”, “gender-fluid”, and even “democrats;” all things that bullying forced us to abandon! Sure: some adults say bullying gave them irreversible mental scars; at least they are not dressing up as frogs and meeting up to hump people in pig suits.

Getting bullied taught us that society has rules, and there are horrible consequences for breaking them. That’s why the other moms and I have started the Mothers Inciting Legitimate Force (M.I.L.F.), which reminds kids that sometimes, they’ll need to be bullied into being normal.

America is Ready for Hilary

BY Ophelia Oktober

The red arrow "Everyday Americans need a champion. I want to be that champion." says Hilary
The red arrow
“Everyday Americans need a champion. I want to be that champion.” says Hilary

WASHINGTON, D.C. – News broke out Sunday that Hilary has officially declared her intention to run for the 2016 presidential race. This marks her second run for presidency, the first being in 2008 when the actress was only 20 years old.
The news was first released via an email blast that was sent to millions of people Sunday morning.

“It’s official, Hilary is running for president!”

This year, Hilary will be rallying herself as “A champion for everyday Americans.” The campaign is aptly appropriate since she portrayed an everyday American with an everyday American family in the hit Disney Channel TV-show, “Lizzie McGuire.” The nation’s millennials grew up watching Hilary survive the awkwardness of being a teenager during the early 2000’s. Hilary’s background makes her an attractive candidate to youth voters.

“Hilary is such a foxy MILF! 10/10 would bang,” said SAS senior Chris McCulley.
Hilary is set to begin her “ramp up” tour all across America beginning in June when millennials get out of school for the summer. She plans on engaging with voters and making sure their teenage concerns are heard.

Hilary is not the first actor to run for public office. She will be following in the footsteps of Ronald Reagan, who was president from 1981 to 1989 and Arnold Schwarzenegger was governor of California from 2003 to 2011. Political analysts don’t expect much of her because of this fact. Many are skeptical about Hilary’s ability to lead the United States of America, calling her a “demon” and a “PMS-ing basketcase.”

And although it is kind of weird that a 27 year old mother of one is running for the presidency, many others are in fact, Ready for Hilary.