Tag Archives: Media

Here’s An Opinion: I’m Drunk

BY Devindevin.png

No no no no no, I got this. You guys don’t know what you’re talking about. No no no no, I’m fine. Really I’m fine, just let me talk. I study this stuff in school. Yeah I got to class, shut the fuck up, Rachel. The media covers this all wrong. It’s all just one big cover up. Yeah I actually believe that. Damn it Rachel just let me fucking talk–wait yo Adam are you going into the kitchen? Can you get me another beer? Hey, no, I was talking. I know I’m drunk but I still know what I’m talking about. As I was saying: this has been a problem throughout history. I mean look at the Civil War. Things don’t change, just you don’t hear people talking about it all the time, that’s why you don’t think it’s a problem, Rachel. Hey. I said I’m fine. It’s just one more beer. Fucking Rachel, am I right? You just don’t get it Rachel. You think all of the world’s problems will go away by just batting your eyes. Well that’s not how it works, Rachel. The media, Rachel. Read between the lines, Rachel. Things are not what they seem to be, just read a textbook. I just learned about all of this. Am I not making sense to you? This is cut and dry. I am drunk. I am not wrong, but yes I am drunk. Hey, no, don’t discriminate. You’re discriminating. That’s discriminating. I’m allowed to drink this beer. It’s all your fault, Rachel. Look at what’s happening here, Rachel. Look at what you’re making me do, Rachel. It’s all a big cover up. I’m out!

Sean Spicer Goes Home To Cry Into Pillow

BY Radio Raheem
Does the Right Thing

WASHINGTON, D.C.—White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer reportedly went home to scream into his pillow today, according to several sources. After a heated press conference where Spicer grilled the media for reporting things he says, Spicer went home to his apartment and spent about 25 minutes tearfully screaming into a single pillow.

After a significant amount of time had passed, Spicer’s muffled screams into his pillow slowed down to a gentle sobbing. “They need to leave me the fuck alone,” cried Spicer, into his pillow, “What did I do to deserve this kind of treatment?”seanspicer.png

An exhausted Spicer, after a solid half hour of yelling and crying into his pillow, then fell into a gentle, rage-induced peaceful slumber.

This is no isolated incident, however. The Press Secretary was recently appointed to his new position by President Trump’s administration, and it has been an eventful transition.

During his very first White House press conference, Spicer spent approximately three minutes yelling at reporters for reporting numbers about the size of Trump’s inauguration crowd. After refusing to take any questions, Spicer stomped off the podium, reportedly to pace back and forth heavily with his hands balled up in fists of rage.

The Medium has reached out to the White House for further comments on these actions, but was only met with a defiant grunting noise, followed by the abrupt click of a Spicer’s phone slamming down.