BY Mike Hawk
Pelvis Safety Officer
NEW BRUNSWICK— This past week has been hell for most students taking their midterms, but for one student, it was about to get much worse. Andrew Redstein had almost finished his busy week of 4 midterms. He had already finished 3 of them in classic middle-of-the-road student fashion and needed to complete his fourth. The monster set before him was none other than Social Media for the Arts Online, the GPA destroyer for most journalism majors.
Andrew decided to start his exam with all of his attention focused on completing the exam, with some time to spare for the leisure activities he missed out on during his busy week. Unfortunately, he came across one specific question. “Who is the CEO of wordpress.com?” Redstein has an absolute hard-on for online blogs. Andrew took a peek at the time left in his assignment and saw he had enough to rub one out.
After Andrew was finished, he quickly wrapped up his exam and submitted it. It was then he felt his heart sink into his stomach. Andrew had completely forgotten that the anti-cheat software, Proctortrack recorded him taking the exam in his entirety. Andrew is patiently awaiting the results of his exam and promises to swear off masturbation for a full day.