Tag Archives: journalism

Proctortrack Catches Student Mid Jerk-Sesh

BY Mike Hawk
Pelvis Safety Officer

NEW BRUNSWICK— This past week has been hell for most students taking their midterms, but for one student, it was about to get much worse. Andrew Redstein had almost finished his busy week of 4 midterms. He had already finished 3 of them in classic middle-of-the-road student fashion and needed to complete his fourth. The monster set before him was none other than Social Media for the Arts Online, the GPA destroyer for most journalism majors.

Andrew decided to start his exam with all of his attention focused on completing the exam, with some time to spare for the leisure activities he missed out on during his busy week. Unfortunately, he came across one specific question. “Who is the CEO of wordpress.com?” Redstein has an absolute hard-on for online blogs. Andrew took a peek at the time left in his assignment and saw he had enough to rub one out.

After Andrew was finished, he quickly wrapped up his exam and submitted it. It was then he felt his heart sink into his stomach. Andrew had completely forgotten that the anti-cheat software, Proctortrack recorded him taking the exam in his entirety. Andrew is patiently awaiting the results of his exam and promises to swear off masturbation for a full day.

Class Too Small to Go Without Acknowledging Professor

BY Dale
Just Wants a Hula Hoop

NEW BRUNSWICK — Just before walking into class, junior Adrianna Canillo was forced to put on a half-smile and wave uninspiringly as she passed her professor of Sports Writing and Reporting, a class of only 25 people.

Canillo arrived to class early and walked by her professor, Allen Roberts, sitting outside class. The two made eye contact, and because the class is so small, were forced to make light of each other’s presence.

“Yeah this is the only reason why large classes are better,” said Canillo, who is majoring in Journalism and Media Studies. “In those classes I can walk by my professors and ignore them without a problem. But in these small classes, I feel so awkward if I do that.”

According to multiple student reports, there is always a moment of hesitancy when seeing professors of small classes outside of the classroom. Students usually first analyze their relationship with the professor, physical distance from the professor and whether or not the professor is interacting with other people.

“I usually try to go on my phone or put my in earbuds,” said Canillo, who is now too deep into her major to take large classes, which would negate this issue. “But in this case, I didn’t have time. He was like right there. I’ve only spoken up in class like three times, so I didn’t know if he recognized me or not. I panicked.”

Canillo apparently felt incredibly uncomfortable during her awkward greeting. Her relationship with the professor is neither too distant to warrant ignoring him, nor close enough to demand a friendly gesture.

“Honestly I wish I just ignored him,” added Canillo. “What was I thinking. Now he’s gonna expect something from me in class. I just sit there and go on my phone and search for internships. This wave is gonna change everything.”