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BY Stan Sharona
Holy fucking shit! I’ve been on the toilet for the past two fucking hours and I don’t think there’s any chance that I get off of here anytime soon. I can’t take it. My ass is so raw. I have been trying to get off of the throne for so long. I keep wiping and wiping and wiping, but it just keeps coming out of me. Like a goddamn river! I keep thinking I’m done, and just when I start to get off, I give myself one more push, just to see, and I feel it. I feel that squirt of another poop nugget and I’m back at it again.
I’ve been doing this for two fucking hours, I’ve missed one class already, and there is no chance I’m making it to my other one in time. I’m really worried too, because I’ve already gone through two rolls of toilet paper, and I’m down to the last one, anything past that point and it’s the Targum that I keep in here.
I’ll admit it, I actually got out a few minutes ago, but then I instantly rushed back in as I felt the torrent of shit about to erupt out of my asshole. It isn’t even just shit anymore! The toilet paper is coming out looking like someone dragged the Imperial Japanese Navy flag from World War II through a large puddle of mud. In the past two hours, I swear I have developed at least three hemorrhoids and I can feel them pushing out of me. One is definitely dangling. I can see it too, it’s just there, bloodying up the toilet bowl.
I can’t fucking take it any longer, I want to die. It won’t fucking stop, I just keep shitting. I just want this life to end. This is the fucking worst, and I’m about to use my last square of toilet paper. My asshole is so fucking raw it hurts to wipe. And I think my anus just prolapsed.