Tag Archives: Inauguration

Sean Spicer Goes Home To Cry Into Pillow

BY Radio Raheem
Does the Right Thing

WASHINGTON, D.C.—White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer reportedly went home to scream into his pillow today, according to several sources. After a heated press conference where Spicer grilled the media for reporting things he says, Spicer went home to his apartment and spent about 25 minutes tearfully screaming into a single pillow.

After a significant amount of time had passed, Spicer’s muffled screams into his pillow slowed down to a gentle sobbing. “They need to leave me the fuck alone,” cried Spicer, into his pillow, “What did I do to deserve this kind of treatment?”seanspicer.png

An exhausted Spicer, after a solid half hour of yelling and crying into his pillow, then fell into a gentle, rage-induced peaceful slumber.

This is no isolated incident, however. The Press Secretary was recently appointed to his new position by President Trump’s administration, and it has been an eventful transition.

During his very first White House press conference, Spicer spent approximately three minutes yelling at reporters for reporting numbers about the size of Trump’s inauguration crowd. After refusing to take any questions, Spicer stomped off the podium, reportedly to pace back and forth heavily with his hands balled up in fists of rage.

The Medium has reached out to the White House for further comments on these actions, but was only met with a defiant grunting noise, followed by the abrupt click of a Spicer’s phone slamming down.

Clinton Panicking Over Inauguration Outfit

WASHINGTON D.C.- With only two weeks left until this historic election comes to a climactic, earth-shattering end, and Hillary Clinton, confident in her win that she will be our next Commander-in-Chief, is now stressed over a much more daunting objective: High Fashion.

Clinton has made it her prerogative throughout her career and campaign to dress for the job she wants and not the job she has, and in her case the President is one snazzy bitch. However, after nailing her debate attire with the clever red, blue, and white scheme, she now feels that she cannot live up to expectations for her inauguration ceremony.pantsuits.png

“I can’t wait to see how that gorgeous trendsetter is going to look with her fab hand on the bible. It’s basically what I’m looking forward to most this year” says supporter Joana Morrison. Obviously as the first woman in office she could not use the common tactic of alluding to the attires previous presidents chose for their inaugurations, such as Gerald Ford’s reproduction of John F. Kennedy’s famous black shirt/red tie combination. Instead, Hillary will have to break new ground and embrace the spotlight, with a million eyes looking at her outfit and judging her for the choice of pant suit color and matching shoes. While going through the rainbow in her head, our inside sources have found that Clinton has narrowed her choices down to lovable orange, fearless black, and trustworthy green.

“I just have so many good qualities that can be represented through expression in my physical appearance, it’s too difficult a choice! I need something that screams ‘Presidential’ but also says, ‘Hey, I’m just a regular human gal like everyone else’” said Clinton, when asked about her email scandal. Many historians are calling this the most impactful decision that a future president will have to make before entering office, and as the confident and powerful woman that she is, almost everyone believes she can live up to the hype.