BY Radio Raheem
Does the Right Thing
WASHINGTON, D.C.—White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer reportedly went home to scream into his pillow today, according to several sources. After a heated press conference where Spicer grilled the media for reporting things he says, Spicer went home to his apartment and spent about 25 minutes tearfully screaming into a single pillow.
After a significant amount of time had passed, Spicer’s muffled screams into his pillow slowed down to a gentle sobbing. “They need to leave me the fuck alone,” cried Spicer, into his pillow, “What did I do to deserve this kind of treatment?”
An exhausted Spicer, after a solid half hour of yelling and crying into his pillow, then fell into a gentle, rage-induced peaceful slumber.
This is no isolated incident, however. The Press Secretary was recently appointed to his new position by President Trump’s administration, and it has been an eventful transition.
During his very first White House press conference, Spicer spent approximately three minutes yelling at reporters for reporting numbers about the size of Trump’s inauguration crowd. After refusing to take any questions, Spicer stomped off the podium, reportedly to pace back and forth heavily with his hands balled up in fists of rage.
The Medium has reached out to the White House for further comments on these actions, but was only met with a defiant grunting noise, followed by the abrupt click of a Spicer’s phone slamming down.