BY Mike Hawk
Pelvis Safety Officer
WASHINGTON — President Trump has spent much time trying to overturn things that have been achieved during the Obama presidency. However, Trump decided to continue the tradition of pardoning the Thanksgiving turkeys but this time, with a twist. Instead of the regular two turkeys up on the spotlight, the main and the backup turkey, there were 14.
Trump had brought in all the previous turkeys pardoned throughout the Obama era and slaughtered them himself right there on the stage for everyone to see. He then turned to Drumstick and Wishbone and pardoned them for not being good enough to eat.
Both turkeys clearly looked understandably horrified for what they had just witnessed. We got a hold of both turkeys to see if they wanted to share their thoughts about that fateful encounter. “I’d rather be fucking dead than be associated with this dumpster fire of a presidency, and I’m a fucking turkey” Drumstick said. Meanwhile, it seems as if Wishbone didn’t really have much to say on the topic.
When asked, the White house Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders had this to say on the topic. “Those turkeys asked to be slaughtered. They couldn’t live anymore knowing the fact that they may have been pardoned by such a terrible president. In fact, they asked us to re-pardon them but we told them that it was not possible! If anyone should be appalled, be appalled at the fact that they went this long without someone listening to their problems!” Who knew Sarah loved turkeys this much?