BY Stephen A. Smiff
NEW BRUNSWICK— News broke over the weekend of the Rutgers gymnastics team’s collective amount of plump ass at the National Association of Intercollegiate Gymnastics Clubs in Sacramento, California.
Rutgers placed sixth in the competition, but overwhelmed the other schools in both quantity and quality of ass.
“We are proud of the amount of ass we get to flaunt at each competition,” said April Abrams. “Now we are finally being recognized for our god-given accomplishment.”
The awe inspiring Rutgers club gymnastics ass had previously gone surprisingly unnoticed, but their dominating performance at the NAIGC brought each member’s tight backsides to the forefront.
“I was just like, wow. It was amazing,” said NAIGC judge Donatus Jorgensenn. “I just gave them 10s and hoped nobody would see my erection.”
Other schools reportedly worried the staggering amount of Rutgers ass would act as an unfair advantage, but placing sixth quashed those concerns.
James Madison University, who came in third place and also has a lot of nice asses, allegedly loosened Rutgers leotards as to lessen the bodacious appearance of each ass in hopes to curtail biased and distracted judging.
After news broke of the serious amount of ass the Rutgers club gymnastics team has, University students came out in scores to celebrate the team’s performance at the NAIGC.
“Wait they placed?” said junior Greg Jacobson. “I just saw all the pictures of their asses online. Oh my fucking god. I’m such an ass man now. I mean wow. Just, wow.”
Scores of students can now be seen at club gymnastics practices with signs of support and high-quality cameras for extreme close-up shots.
Now seen as an advantage, the mouthwatering amount of ass is often incorporated into routines.
“Flaunt it if you got it, baby,” said club gymnast Sasha Anderson. “My floor routine is now just me jutting out my hip and shaking my ass to the judges. They love it, and now I get perfect scores. Plus, I have more fans than ever.”
The incredible asses of each Rutgers club gymnast has taken away attention to anyone’s breasts, but reports indicate such attention is soon to come.