Tag Archives: gymnastics

Breaking: Rutgers Club Gymnastics Has Some Serious Ass

BY Stephen A. Smiff
Ass Man

NEW BRUNSWICK— News broke over the weekend of the Rutgers gymnastics team’s collective amount of plump ass at the National Association of Intercollegiate Gymnastics Clubs in Sacramento, California.

Rutgers placed sixth in the competition, but overwhelmed the other schools in both quantity and quality of ass.

“We are proud of the amount of ass we get to flaunt at each competition,” said April Abrams. “Now we are finally being recognized for our god-given accomplishment.”

The awe inspiring Rutgers club gymnastics ass had previously gone surprisingly unnoticed, but their dominating performance at the NAIGC brought each member’s tight backsides to the forefront.

“I was just like, wow. It was amazing,” said NAIGC judge Donatus Jorgensenn. “I just gave them 10s and hoped nobody would see my erection.”

Other schools reportedly worried the staggering amount of Rutgers ass would act as an unfair advantage, but placing sixth quashed those concerns.

James Madison University, who came in third place and also has a lot of nice asses, allegedly loosened Rutgers leotards as to lessen the bodacious appearance of each ass in hopes to curtail biased and distracted judging.

After news broke of the serious amount of ass the Rutgers club gymnastics team has, University students came out in scores to celebrate the team’s performance at the NAIGC.

“Wait they placed?” said junior Greg Jacobson. “I just saw all the pictures of their asses online. Oh my fucking god. I’m such an ass man now. I mean wow. Just, wow.”

Scores of students can now be seen at club gymnastics practices with signs of support and high-quality cameras for extreme close-up shots.

Now seen as an advantage, the mouthwatering amount of ass is often incorporated into routines. gymnasticsbutt

“Flaunt it if you got it, baby,” said club gymnast Sasha Anderson. “My floor routine is now just me jutting out my hip and shaking my ass to the judges. They love it, and now I get perfect scores. Plus, I have more fans than ever.”

The incredible asses of each Rutgers club gymnast has taken away attention to anyone’s breasts, but reports indicate such attention is soon to come.

Rutgers to Add Men’s Gymnastics to B1G Athletics Line Up

By Paulie Valentine
Editor-in-Chief

Announced by the NCAA tuesday afternoon, Rutgers will add a Men’s gymnastics team. This initiative will create seven new coaching jobs and seventeen new scholar athletes. Rutgers joins Illinois, Iowa, Michigan, Minnesota, Ohio State, Penn State, Nebraska, all schools with Men’s Gymnastics.

“We as a program are very excited,” says female head coach Louis Levine. “Visibility of the sport of gymnastics is always good.”

Men’s gymnastics, on average has the highest amount of scholar athletes turned olympic athletes according to the NCAA. Rutgers is hoping to elevate the caliber of their scholar athletes starting with new recruits, according to Levine.

“This is a big jump for the Rutgers Athletic program,” said famed gymnast and coach Mary Lou Retton when asked at the Men’s B10 Championships last weekend, “A good men’s program always can grow a sports program.”

The new men’s program will practice in the use the same space as the girls team, in the Livingston Rec Center. The two teams will share the space until a new Gymnasium can be erected on Busch Campus.

gymnastics
The men’s gymnastics team looks to bring Jersey flair to B1G competitions
“This is one of the most demanding sports ever,” said athletic director Pat Hobbs, “If we will be able to bring this caliber of athlete to this university, we can really change this program.”

The expansion will not need Rutgers to change the current recruitment system, according to Hobbs, “we have too many fucking faggots laying around this goddam campus. We need something to rally them together.”

The exponential influx of homosexual males on rutgers campus has become extremely apparent in the last year alone. New research by George Takei musky phallus shows a 700% increase in the average male on male sex on campus.

This rise is is due to the opening of a Andrew Christian store in the heart of George Street. Known for their assless underwear, for easy access for anal penetration.

Because of the rise in gay sex, there is a rise in how buff and masculine these men become.
Jonathan started as a 150 pound twink, and is now a 250 pound bear who only wears nasty pig underwear.

To succeed, the team will need to focus all of their energy on competitions, not on fucking each other’s brains out.