Tag Archives: Fraternity

Fraternities Promoting Sexual Violence Awareness Still Require Ratio

BY Walter Cronkite Jr
Greek Life Insider

NEW BRUNSWICK — Not seeing the explicit irony, fraternities at Rutgers continue to advocate for the prevention of sexual violence while forcing all male, non-guest list partygoers to have ratio.

“Hey bro, I only see three girls and one of you,” Beta Rho Omega brother Arnie van Jaaran reportedly said, whose fraternity was enforcing a 6-to-1 female-to-male ratio Friday. “I can’t let you in unless you got more girls, yo. But while I have you here, would you care to make a donation to RAINN, the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization?”

This is not an isolated incident, as reportedly every fraternity that is not guest-list only continues to use ratio at parties year after year. The reported minimum ratio is 4-to-1 at Tau Iota Tau, yet the reported minimum amount of service hours per brother at Rutgers is 10 a semester, though the message and actions do not seem to resonate.

RAINN IS LUCKY TO HAVE ARNIE Hey man equality is just the right thing to do

“Yeah we do a lot of work with The Office for Violence Prevention and Victim Assistance, which provides an amazing service on campus that I really recommend people use,” said Sam Young, president of Alpha Sigma Sigma. “At the same time, though, we can’t be throwing sausagefests every weekend. Frankly, girls should see it as a compliment. They’re desirable. As a reward, guys that pull get to party, and girls are given free drinks and get to swat away unwanted advances.”

When asked about the apparent hypocrisy, Young did not see it.

“Nah we have inter-fraternal meetings all the time, and we always congratulate each other on the positive impact we have on the culture of sexual violence prevention on this campus.”

The office of Fraternity & Sorority Affairs did not make an official comment on the issue, but did note fraternity contributions to the cause, both monetarily and through volunteer hours.

When asked, most independent students on campus were indifferent on the issue.
“It’s whatever,” said senior Jessica Hernandez. “I go to the bars now.”

Dance Marathon raises thousands in social media capital

By James Mullen
News Editor

Dance Marathon has become a cherished ritual among Rutgers students since its foundation in the spring of 2000. The number of Rutgers students that have danced in the annual fundraising event has increased significantly since RUDM’s inception, and the Embrace Kids foundation has benefited greatly from the exploding numbers of dancers. For many dancers, the event goes beyond just raising money to make a difference in the lives of children affected by cancer, sickle cell anemia, and other diseases. This is a rare opportunity for many students to experience the joy of raising social media capital and garnering hundreds of likes.

RUDM has made a real, positive impact on the lives of children like Nico. A few years ago, Nico was diagnosed with Evans Disease, is a very rare genetic autoimmune disorder which compromises the immune system. Thanks to RUDM, Nico and his family were given the opportunity to pair up with the Student Athletic Advisory Committee, which allows Nico to interact with student athletes and have some semblance of a normal social life. While this story is mildly uplifting, it doesn’t even hold a candle to the sheer rush of dopamine felt by SAS Junior and Beta Chi philanthropy chair Chad Smithmeyer as the likes start pouring in on his latest post asking for DM money.

Rutgers University Dance Marathon raised over 900,000 likes last year for the kids.

“It’s just a really good way to give back to the community,” says Smithmeyer, who keeps glancing at his phone, which is buzzing with notifications from Instagram. “I don’t know what it is about Dance Marathon that just feels so good, but I can’t get enough of it.” Smithmeyer is just coming down from the wave of likes on his posts about spring break trip to Key West, and Dance Marathon is picking up likes seamlessly after Smithmeyer headed back to school.

In past years, DM has earned Rutgers Greek life thousands of likes, which has been almost enough to justify the constant scandals of students ending up in hospitals due to alcohol poisoning and repeated instances of sexual assault on campus. This year, however, Greek life intends to get so many likes for the kids that none of that is any longer relevant. The massive influx of likes will make Rutgers fraternities and sororities a shining example of philanthropy and community involvement, and make heroes out of students that really just wanted to party.

Rutgers Replacing Au Bon Pain With a Bus Stop

Grind All
Safety Officer

NEW BRUNSWICK— At the end of 2016 Rutgers University decided not to renew their contract with Au Bon Pain leaving the lot on College Ave vacant. After a couple months of construction it has finally come out that Rutgers will be replacing the spot with another bus spot.

This decision comes after a long deliberation period between Barchi and student government representatives. While there had been rumors circulating about a Panera taking over the space it has now been confirmed that the space will be a bus spot.

“SAFE SPACE” STOP A look into what the new bus stop is rumored to look like

Representatives from the student government announced this news this past Monday. Their reasoning behind this seems to be the excessive amount of people that need a bus between the front of the gym and past the student center. This need comes from multiple factors that exist between the gym and directly past the student center the main one being the amount of Greek life organizations that park their fake “generous” asses outside of Brower and the student center to ask other students, who are even poorer than them, for money.

“Yeah we’ve just been getting so many complaints about Greek life organizations harassing students for money that is supposedly ‘for the kids’ that we decided to just give students a way to get around this” said President Barchi.

The bus stop is reportedly going to be called “Safe Space” representing the area that will now be free of frats and sororities.

Representatives from different Greek organizations have called the new bus stop “a bus stop for pussies” and “like so rude” but these protests have fallen on deaf ears.

“We just really don’t care, I mean Greek life? It’s not like we kiss their asses like they’re the Gods and Goddesses of Rutgers!” said Barchi. “We treat them just like normal students.”

Reports say Greek organizations are planning a protest but until then the Safe Space is here to stay.

Senior Convinced This Will Be the Semester He Raises GPA

BY Grind All
Explora Reporta

NEW BRUNSWICK–Second semester senior Dan Harrison has recently declared that this semester, his final semester, will be the time when he finally gets his grades up. In a dramatic Facebook post Harrison spoke about his past academic struggles.

“I’ve been too busy partying” he said in the post. “I’ve never focused on my school work but I’m finally realizing that in order to succeed after graduation I need to get at least a 3.0. I am determined to do that this semester.”

TOTALLY DELUSIONAL Dan Harrison pathetically believing he could actually pull a 3.0 out of his ass

Harrison’s goal came as a surprise to family and friends. Those closest to him described him as a “careless party animal with no sense of responsibility.”

“Last time I checked he had like a 2.1 or something,” said roommate Christian Donnell.

A recent statement from his academic adviser, Sarah Burn, confirmed this statement. “Dan has barely made it through college. He has scraped a D out of almost every class. If he pulls out a 3.0 I would literally tear off my own leg and eat it. That’s how much I am sure that he is incapable of doing this.”

When asked about his plan Harrison said, “See I’m being really smart about this. I’m gonna do part time, so only 9 credits, that way I can focus on my studies! I can still party but not have as much class”.

While this logic seems almost sound, it completely neglects the fact that in order to raise a GPA one needs to take at least six classes and earn A’s in order to see a spike.

Despite all of this Harrison seems unfazed and has already begun planning the graduation party he will throw celebrating his 3.0 GPA.



“I don’t like this place dude. Let’s get out of here,” Brad pleaded to his pledge brother, Jack.

“Don’t be such a pussy dude,” urged Jack. “What, you think ghosts of Zeta’s past are gonna be lurking here or something? They got kicked off a few years ago, they’re gone bro.”

Brad knew his fear was irrational, but it did not put him at ease. It could just be jitters or the cold, he thought.

“Alright, give me a beer and let’s go in.” Brad ordered.

“That’s the man I thought I pledged with! Let’s get fucked up. I wonder if they left some alcohol behind when they got kicked out?” Jack thought out loud. After finishing their beers, the guys entered the former Zeta house. They could still hear the bustle of College Ave as they walked in, but it quickly faded to the eeriest of silences.

“Damn, did they cut all heat to this place or something? I’m freezing.” proclaimed a shivering Jack. The cold only augmented Brad’s fears that something about this place seemed haunted. The house felt dead, but it was not the same peaceful dead one imagines death to be. This was a restless death, one that was somehow about to boil over. Like a beer left in a freezer, the frosty house seemed the catalyst for an explosion or release of some sort. But what could it possibly be? Brad pondered.

Then he heard a scream from Jack.

“Not Chill bro! Who the fuck are you?” Jack demanded.

It was too cold to describe the scream as chilling, but the distress and horror in Jack’s voice was evident. Quietly, Brad tip-toed toward Jack’s voice.

He had to cover his own mouth to stop himself from screaming.

In front of him stood the most monstrous frat bro he had ever seen. A mountainous 6 foot 7, the bro towered over Jack. He was whiter than the walls of a Rutgers Dorm, decked out from head to toe in Lacoste and Vineyard Vines. His polo snapback perfectly complemented his somewhat tattered Sperry’s.

Although he likely knew his fate was sealed, Jack courageously faced his silent adversary. He drew out his beer and prepared for the vital chug-off. In Brad and Jack’s world, to the winner of the chug-off goes the spoils, and to the loser goes swift death. If Jack lost, he would be executed by being forced to funnel 2 bottles of Everclear.

Jack counted to three, and the chug-off began.

Unfortunately for Jack, it was over before it started. As he guzzled down the last fateful drops of the Everclear, his opponent exited the scene. Although Jack was overcome with remorse for the death of his best friend, he swore that the body laying on the floor in front of him was not entirely lifeless.

“Jack. Wake up. Jack!” he begged. He peeled back Jack’s eyelids. His pupils appeared bright orange, like a new Keystone can. And somehow, some way, Brad knew there was life in them. Or, perhaps, that same restless death he noticed earlier.

It took a split-second for Brad to realize that Jack had grabbed him by the throat and had already started pouring Everclear into his mouth.



Okay so rush season is upon us and I know that people are super concerned of whether they will get into any greek life at all. Never fear because I’m pretty sure I can figure that out for you. See, I’ve got an in with a frat since my boyfriends in one (guess which frats he’s in for extra creepy points) so I’ve got a pretty good idea of what makes a good potentional frat boy candidate. Take this quiz and see if you’re cut out for greek life.

1. Why are you in school?
a. Because I like to learn!
b. Eh idk I got nothing else to do & my parents are paying
c. Bitches. Bitches. Fuck. With. College

2. How do you feel about women?
a. They’re a gender?
b. I think you mean how do women feel me?
c. *moaning* *cumming* *random groans*

3. What’s the longest you’ve slapped the bag for?
a. What bag? What? What does this mean?
b. Bagged wine? Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t drink that shit! Now ask me long I can chug Black Label and I’ll say 30 seconds.

4. What’s your style?
a. Comfy. Idk nothing really too intense
b. Cool, casual and classy. I wear my pastel vineyard vines and sperries but don’t worry I can get them dirty.
c. Bitch whatever makes me look like I just walked fresh off a yacht that came from Martha’s Vineyard or Nantucket.

5. Do you fight?
a. Peace brotha
b. Only when I’m drunk and only other dudes. I’m pretty laid back otherwise.
c. I will fight anyone, anywhere, anytime. I don’t care where we are I don’t care who they are, if we going at it, we GOIN AT IT

6. How do you feel about drugs?
a. I don’t really do them but I don’t mind too much if people do them around me
b. I smoke weed from time to time and do my fair share of addy when its finals week
c. Dude I’m a fucking coke dealer. Ask me again how I feel about drugs. Unless you’re a cop, then I do not have a comment

7. What race are you?
a. Asian (international student)
b. Minority (American)



Mostly B’s: Yeah you can join a frat but just join either a rich one or a lowkey one. You probably won’t do well with delinquents and would benefit from being in a frat that has enough money and connections to get around RUPD.

Mostly C’s: Dude Zeta already got kicked off where are you even trying to rush???