By SGT. GEN. Chiappa Remington Wesson Jr., Tier One Operator
IMPORTANT BULLETIN: According to reliable INSIDE GS-15 RANKED SOURCES embedded in the UNITED STATES MARINE CORPS, children NATIONWIDE are being PAID OFF to become lackeys for THE DEEP STATE DEMON RAT Party’s RADICAL LEFTIST agenda. After recent DESPICABLE acts of TERROR from BOTHERING Sen. Mitch McConnell at a restaurant to VIOLENTLY karate chopping White House interns, what sort of INSIDIOUS tactics to promote ANTI-AMERICAN ideals have they taken this time?
Frankly, my own son won’t tell me, but INSIDERS allege that these paid agitators are being propositioned to IGNORE YOU during THANKSGIVING DINNER, possibly ELSEWHERE. What would compel them to be complicit actors in such a VILE scheme? That motive is beyond us, but I believe that it would clearly be no fault of our own. As ESTEEMED PUBLIC INTELLECTUALS such as Benjamin Shapiro and David Rubin have attested, these SNOWFLAKE SOY BOY NPC MILLENIALS are simply too UNGRATEFUL to recognize your own brave diversity OF THOUGHT.
It’s TOTALLY not because you ALIENATE them with your skewed reactionary worldviews. I’m not racist, but calling YOU racist? What’s racist about generalizing an entire group of people who arbitrarily look DIFFERENT from you and projecting your own insecurities and moral failings onto them? The REGRESSIVE left is simply too fixated on IDENTITtY PoLiTICS that they cease to recognize the REAL, salient THREAT of covert 8 YEAR OLD MS-13 OPERATIVES infiltrating our sacred arbitrary lines! OUR ancestors LEGALLY emigrated to these pristine STOLEN lands, so why can’t they? All they have to undergo are years of arduous citizenship testing, income inequality, the prospect of having a few automatic rifles pointed at their heads AND a few children thrown into cages, but NO. That’s not enough handouts and freedoms for these ENTITLED SELFISH CRETINS.
But those aren’t here nor there, because I’m not racist. Absolutely not. I haven’t got around to asking him much in seven years, but just ask my friend Steve. He’s One Of The Good Ones™, because the omnipresent issue at hand is the budding INTOLERANCE amongst our children. It is an utter anomaly, as only a LOW-T BETA would cower from facing your unsolicited NUANCED opinions about the cretinous FOOTBALL MEN, why every terrorist attack is a bigger ongoing stage production than Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre, and why MORE children need to be thrown in cages. You’re not bigoted. You’re not insecure. You’re not suffocating any and all introspection in a cloudy haze of opiates and benzodiazepines. You don’t need to see a therapist for your lifelong burgeoning psychological trauma. You aren’t a reactionary, short-tempered, verbally abusive lout who calls your kin SHEEPLE and politely requests your spouse to shut the fuck up, no. Why the hell don’t they correct you about that anyway? Why the hell be the parent 24/7 when THEY can pull up their bootstraps and tell YOU what’s wrong?
If you read my CREDIBLE newsletter, you can rest assured that you are a DECENT, RED-BLOODED AMERICAN man who simply wants what’s best for his kin, AND the pure-blooded grandkin you are duly owed. You merely believe in traditional values, our loving God’s coherent plan for receded hairlines or agonizing herniated disks, and the inalienable right to question things that don’t make sense over a cold Pabst on the couch. Remember, if you’re children question the credibility of the BRAVE alternative YouTube journalists you follow, how that vague camera flash inconclusively proves a REPTILIAN FALSE FLAG, how Seth Rogen’s “Paul” is actually a stoner biopic declassifying THE GREYS, how that building angle fall inconclusively proves CONTROLLED DEMOLITION, or why you’re so obsessed with blaming every single personal grievance on the F̴̀͞͞͏͚͙͇͖̥̭̻̲͉̺͍̻͈͓̻̮ͅEDERAL RESERVE (not racist), that’s the REAL intolerance right there.
So, if they subvert your ways and cease to keep an OPEN MIND to your brave FREE MARKETPLACE OF IDEAS this Thanksgiving, double down. Be MORE patriotic. Do MORE research and YouTube education on your arguments. CONTINUE to remain perplexed and baffled over why your children haven’t heard your side in years. DO NOT let your children fall toward the slimy tendrils of the BUSHES, CLINTONS, OBAMAS, ROTHSCHILDS, SOROS, AND THE NEW WORLD ORDER BOOGEYMAN AGENDA. TO PARAPHRASE OUR GLORIOUS COMMANDER IN CHIEF, DONALD JOHN TRUMP, WE MUST NOT SURRENDER TO THE FALSE SONG OF AWKWARD SILENCE!
USE CODE “MEDIUM” FOR 67% OFF OUR ALPHA TURBO EAGLE ENHANCEMENT SUPPLEMENTS. IT’S A FUCKING PAIN LUGGING AROUND YOUR STAINLESS STEEL .600 NITRO EXPRESS REVOLVER TO COMPENSATE AT THE DINNER TABLE, BUT NOW YOU WON’T HAVE TO! NOW MAYBE MY FUCKING SON WILL SPEAK TO ME AGAIN. NOW MAYBE THE SUBVERSIVE GLOBALIST AGENTS WON’T BASTE MY TURKEYS WITH LIQUIDATED CHEMTRAILS, OR BUG MY AIR VENTS WITH REMOTE VIEWING DEVICES. WHY WON’T MY FUCKING SON FUCKING OPEN UP TO ME ANYMORE. I STILL LOVE YOU WINSTON BERETTA. DON’T BELIEVE THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA, OR YOUR BARREN HARLOT MOTHER’S FUCKING MENOPAUSAL LIES. FUCKING SHIT FUCKING FLUORIDATED FUCKING WATER. GOD DAMN IT.