Tag Archives: cookie monster

A Cookie for the Kooky: Cookie Monster’s Self-Help Corner

By The Cookie Monster

 

How do I talk to the girl I like in class?

 

Have you tried giving her a cookie? That is how my parents met. Poppa Cookie Monster and Momma Cookie Monster were walking down a hallway carrying their own cookies. Both of them ran into each other and ALL their cookies flew into the air. They helped each other devour all the cookies, and then I was born nine months later. It is foolproof!!

 

How do I reveal the gender of my baby at the Gender Reveal Party?

 

Simple, you give everyone cookies covered in pink glaze for a girl or a cookie with blue glaze for a boy. If you do not believe in the gender binary, you can give everyone chocolate chip cookie. It is the best cookie, perfect for the birth of the best baby 🙂

 

How do I tell my parents I am gay?

 

I recently had to help a friend with this- his name rhymes with Dig Dird- and it went over swimmingly with his parents. You give one of you parents a fortune cookie and the other one a biscotti. You tell them to open the fortune cookie with the biscotti. When the fortune cookie is cracked open with the biscotti, the fortune reads, “I want to do what you just did with another man’s genitals in my butt.” My friends family found this very humorous and then we partake in eating the cookies. For extra effort, you can add, “I also want to be eaten like this cookie.” Funny stuff.

 

How do I count to four?

 

Do you have cookies that have numbers written on them? If you don’t, I can’t help much. Cookie Monster is very sorry. If you do have those kinds of cookies, you look at the fourth wall and count while eating all the cookies.

 

My Vagina smells weird, what do I do?

 

Does it smell like a cookie? A vagina smelling like a cookie is a beautiful thing, one should not be ashamed of it. If you find your lover to be a cookie enthusiast, like yours truly, you will find that there is a lot of fun to be had with a vagina smelling like a cookie. For further help, please look me up when you are in town, I can be found at 1 Sesame Street.

 

How do I curtail my cookie addiction?

 

CURTAIL!? COOKIE!? ADDICTION!? I am at a complete loss of words. How can one possibly have an addiction to cookie. Cookie’s are meant to be devoured. You see cookie, you eat cookie. That is how it works. Please, this section is for serious questions only. Now if you can excuse me, I must eat my cookies: NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM.