Tag Archives: College Ave

Class Too Small to Go Without Acknowledging Professor

BY Dale
Just Wants a Hula Hoop

NEW BRUNSWICK — Just before walking into class, junior Adrianna Canillo was forced to put on a half-smile and wave uninspiringly as she passed her professor of Sports Writing and Reporting, a class of only 25 people.

Canillo arrived to class early and walked by her professor, Allen Roberts, sitting outside class. The two made eye contact, and because the class is so small, were forced to make light of each other’s presence.

“Yeah this is the only reason why large classes are better,” said Canillo, who is majoring in Journalism and Media Studies. “In those classes I can walk by my professors and ignore them without a problem. But in these small classes, I feel so awkward if I do that.”

According to multiple student reports, there is always a moment of hesitancy when seeing professors of small classes outside of the classroom. Students usually first analyze their relationship with the professor, physical distance from the professor and whether or not the professor is interacting with other people.

“I usually try to go on my phone or put my in earbuds,” said Canillo, who is now too deep into her major to take large classes, which would negate this issue. “But in this case, I didn’t have time. He was like right there. I’ve only spoken up in class like three times, so I didn’t know if he recognized me or not. I panicked.”

Canillo apparently felt incredibly uncomfortable during her awkward greeting. Her relationship with the professor is neither too distant to warrant ignoring him, nor close enough to demand a friendly gesture.

“Honestly I wish I just ignored him,” added Canillo. “What was I thinking. Now he’s gonna expect something from me in class. I just sit there and go on my phone and search for internships. This wave is gonna change everything.”

Rutgers to Introduce New “D” Bus Route

BY Shitman Jim Henson
Trash Writer

Rutgers University has decided to add a new transportation route to their bus system. This route will be represented by the letter D and will go between Cook/Douglass and College Ave. Although there is already a F bus which goes between Cook/Douglass and College Ave, the D route will be going around the opposite way, with it’s first stop being College Hall and then going around the campus until it’s last stop at Red Oak Lane. The route will be including almost all of the stops the F bus does with some changes since there are parts of Cook that are only accessible through one way streets. One example would be after Henderson the route would continue straight to get onto 18 then enter Cook from the back of the farm and then go down College Farm Rd to drop students across from the Food Sciences Building.

This comes after communication between the student government board, RUSA, and the board of governors. The issue came to light after a survey done by RUDOTS about the transportation system at Rutgers. The survey exposed how students felt the bus system was failing and often creating more problems for students than it was solving. In response, RUDOTS hired more bus drivers and rented more buses, but the burden on students was still felt. Being aware of this RUSA decided to take it upon themselves to help solve the problem. They arranged various meetings with not only Barchi but other key members of the Rutgers transportation department to discuss how the creation of a new bus would affect the student body. RUSA had reportedly raised the issue of creating a new bus or additional route last April but specifics about implications were still fuzzy.

Maybe the D stands for Donkey Kong? GIRL WITH NICE HAIR / STAFF PHOTOSHOPPER

After almost of year of planning and budgeting, it seems there has finally been an agreement. Rutgers has agreed to take money that was going towards a new turf field and instead use it to implement the new route. Reports say the new route would cost the school a little under $5,000. This may seem like a small amount of money but RUSA had a solution for that as well. In place of buses, which require gas and drivers, the students will be given huge tandem bikes that can seat up to 30 people. These bikes will not only be eco-friendly but will promote exercise and a healthy lifestyle among students.

According to a representative from RUSA the bikes will be structured in a regular car like fashion, except there would be no walls, windows, tires, or motors, just pedals and seats.
The official announcement for the new route is set to come around after graduation, to ease the imminent jealousy of the recent graduates.

Student Joyous Over a ‘Message Failed to Send’ Notification

Resident New Kid

NEW BRUNSWICK— C.J. Kumar was found emphatically dancing to K-POP music on the Tuesday morning before her Communication Theory exam outside of Alexander Library on College Avenue.

“I wasn’t even high or anything last night, but I almost sent this embarrassing text message to this guy in my media class,” he told us, “It was suppose to be to my best friend, it read, ‘I heard Idris Elba’s in New York right now. If he’s in New York I’m in New York’ with screenshot of train tickets I’d just bought. I really never thought I’d be so grateful for Rutgers spotty WiFi!”

C.J. claims she went back to studying for her midterm but wondered in the back if her mind as to why her friend never texted back. According to an anonymous source, she loudly proclaimed that she was on a social media cleanse for the rest of the night and fell asleep in the Graduate Reading Room approximately 15 minutes later. Much to the relief of our source, C.J. didn’t snore, albeit, she did sporadically blurt out strings of innocuous Korean phrases. Our source finds it important to assert that she knows this because her parents speak Korean and not because she is a fan of K-Pop.

The morning after these events took place is when C.J. ended her cleanse and proceeded to check for a response from her friends when she opened up her phone and saw the “message failed to send notification.’ on a message she tried sending to her classmate who she declined to identify. We later found out from word mouth on the LX bus that dancing routines had become a common coping mechanism for students specializing in Health and Wellness Communication.

And we would suppose that avoided embarrassment demands a certain degree of coping.
“I bet Idris is still in New York,” she said opening up her iMessage app, “I should text my friend asking if she still wants to go.” When we reminded her that she had an exam today she exclaimed what we presume to be a Korean expletive and took off running towards the general direction or the Voorhees Mall.

C. J. also added later in an email to The Medium, “Mom, if you’re reading this by high I meant I was on the top floor of Alex. It has 83 floors you know. I actually got lost last week on my way to my Planet Earth exam, which is why I might have failed. They said it was going to be an easy A!”

Rutgers Replacing Au Bon Pain With a Bus Stop

Grind All
Safety Officer

NEW BRUNSWICK— At the end of 2016 Rutgers University decided not to renew their contract with Au Bon Pain leaving the lot on College Ave vacant. After a couple months of construction it has finally come out that Rutgers will be replacing the spot with another bus spot.

This decision comes after a long deliberation period between Barchi and student government representatives. While there had been rumors circulating about a Panera taking over the space it has now been confirmed that the space will be a bus spot.

“SAFE SPACE” STOP A look into what the new bus stop is rumored to look like

Representatives from the student government announced this news this past Monday. Their reasoning behind this seems to be the excessive amount of people that need a bus between the front of the gym and past the student center. This need comes from multiple factors that exist between the gym and directly past the student center the main one being the amount of Greek life organizations that park their fake “generous” asses outside of Brower and the student center to ask other students, who are even poorer than them, for money.

“Yeah we’ve just been getting so many complaints about Greek life organizations harassing students for money that is supposedly ‘for the kids’ that we decided to just give students a way to get around this” said President Barchi.

The bus stop is reportedly going to be called “Safe Space” representing the area that will now be free of frats and sororities.

Representatives from different Greek organizations have called the new bus stop “a bus stop for pussies” and “like so rude” but these protests have fallen on deaf ears.

“We just really don’t care, I mean Greek life? It’s not like we kiss their asses like they’re the Gods and Goddesses of Rutgers!” said Barchi. “We treat them just like normal students.”

Reports say Greek organizations are planning a protest but until then the Safe Space is here to stay.

Turf War Erupts Between Dance Marathon Canners and Homeless People

Girl Who Likes Brower
Resident Innocent

NEW BRUNSWICK — The streets of New Brunswick are rough-the street people, rougher. In this especially long winter, the homeless people of New Brunswick are desperate for some spare cash for a warm meal or to support their families or drug addictions. There has been a sharp rise in the equity of New Brunswick street corners, from the intersection of Hamilton and George by Zimmerli, to the corner of George and Commercial by the Public Safety building.turfwar

But another variable has been added to the equation of an increase in panhandlers, and they go by FTK. Canners for Rutgers Dance Marathon, affectionately known as WTF?RUFKM!, are hitting the streets in their orange vests with their cans in tow. Just like we get those pesky insects in the dorms when the weather warms up, flocks of sorority girls and spirited student organization members hit the streets as soon as the clock strikes Spring semester. And the streets can’t hold all of them. A turf war is ensuing and it’s not between gangs, it’s between sorority girls and homeless men.

The first known conflict between the two groups was spotted early last week by freshman Joe Doppleman. He was riding the F when it was stopped at the light on Commercial Avenue and a brawl started. “All of a sudden, I saw a girl in one of those orange prison vests and she jumped on the homeless man from behind and shoved her hand into his collection cup. It was like a scene from Girls Gone Wild. Honestly bruh, it kinda turned me on.” Joe is still on the lookout for more FTK on homeless man action.

It remains to be seen who will win this turf war, but we know one thing for sure, the streets of New Brunswick will never be the same.

Rutgers Buses Ranked by Odor

BY Sue DeNimm
Now Has Hole in Face

1) LX- Basically first place by default, this sleek and stylish vehicle is fairly scent free. The student passengers seem to have a good handle on basic human hygiene, and sometimes the business students even have some nice perfume/cologne that they wear to classes. Finally, being the shortest and most restaurant dense route, the overall ride is very bearable. 6/10

2) B- One of the quickest rides Rutgers has to offer, the long and efficient B does a decent job at distributing what could be a conglomeration of pungent horror to a slight bitter stinge to the nostrils. 4.5/10

3) A/H- High potential but failed realization, this bus could have a light and airy aroma to it, but the long commute and less than olfactory-friendly engineering students drag it down. 4/10

4) New Brunsquick- This bus? has the luxury of having zero participants and thus a complete lack of anything including personality and smell. This bus will never amount to anything and is loved by no one. 3/10

5) F- a pretty fitting name for everyone’s only reaction to having to take this bus, this vehicle fashions itself as express, but it don’t feel like it. If you manage to catch the last one back home, you tend to just pass out from the stress of trying to get back home. Heaven save you if you are awake on this hell ride. 2/10

6) REXL/REXB- As the longest route in the school, this bus stinks. If you’re lucky enough to snag a seat on this expidition to the realm of south bumblefuck, New Brunswick, you may avoid contributing to the smell, but you will absolutely get a big ol’ whiff of the guy standing ass-in-face for 30 min. 1/10

7) EE- The obvious choice for the bottom of this list, this last resort in 20th century transportation will leave you in tears. If you don’t leave this bus gasping for air, counting the seconds you can bear until your grip on this mortal coil gives out, count yourself lucky. This bus has nothing to offer but despair and turmoil, and I pray that there is an almighty being outside this universe so that there is someone to answer for this monstrosity. -1/10