BY Carlos Sanviento
Former Female Model
ST. LOUIS–The second debate was held last Sunday and much to the surprise of those coming out of two-year comas, it was another proverbial tire fire. While the debate began normally with both candidates secretly giving the finger, a surprising turn of events occurred at the close of the event. While Republican Candidate and Tic Tac enthusiast, Donald “Jabroni” Trump, was refusing to give his report on what he did over his summer vacation, one brave audience member yelled from the back row that both candidates should, “Just make out already!”
This comment was the spark that ignited a roaring flame as both nominees stared intently at each other to then rush in and embrace their political rival. In a fantastic display of tongue fencing, both opponents fell to the stage floor and began to ravish each other with their bodies. Clinton nipping at the jowls of Trump’s neck and Trump pulling Clinton closer by the lower body, showed a willingness to compromise that was, until then, unheard of in this disaster of an election. Staff from the Clinton campaign said that they had prepared extensively for this kind of turnabout, supplying Clinton with the proper protection. The Trump staff similarly had Trump well versed on the application of lubricant, should ass play be put onto the table. As both candidates began their romp of hate-filled consensual intercourse, the audience cheered in approval of this splendid display of bipartisanship. When reached for a comment, former president Bill Clinton told The Medium “Oh baby, Hill knows how much I love to watch” and thus proceeded to throw a strap-on dildo into the mass of flesh which was the two candidates.
Upon the mutual climax of the two nominees, both cited the event as a “one night thing” and refuted any claims of the two fornicating again outside the occasional lonely Saturday night. Political experts called the event a momentous occasion, as this is the first instance of heterosexual intercourse in American politics. The approval ratings of both candidates has soared following the debate, with Clinton polling well with women for her use of the strap-on supplied by her husband. A history professor from Washington University marks this debate as one for the history books, stating “not since the Lincoln/Douglas debate had two candidates engaged in such a display of aggressive (yet tender) lovemaking.”