Tag Archives: bathrooms

These Bureaucratic Hippies Have Gone Too Far!


Recently, Rutgers University has silently been replacing the functional urinals with ones that cannot flush. This is in addition to how the students lost paper towels in bathrooms, and trays in dining halls. This epidemic is not confined to the university, with air blowing hand “dryers” being commonplace, for example. This must be fought against.

Air dryers would be fine, if it wasn’t for the fact that they don’t even dry your hands! If you use a bathroom with them, you wash your hands, then use the blow dryer, which spreads harmful bathroom bacteria, and wipe your hands on your clothes so that your hands will actually be dry. We cannot continue to buy expensive bacteria spreaders for our bathrooms!

Similarly, the waterless urinals have sanitation issues of their own. As difficult as this might be to believe, we should not be going out of our way to strengthen the odor of piss that plagues university bathrooms! It also encourages men to not flush actual toilets, because these urinals spread the message that doing so is environmentally dangerous. More importantly, these God-forsaken urinals spread the message that human health is worthless. Next time you use a toilet and there’s a steaming pile of shit already there, you know what paved the way for such despicable behavior.

Other environmental issues are fought against in ways that inconvenience people in general. Separating trash and recycling is prejudiced, for example. My brother identifies as trashkin, and the separation triggers him. We might as well travel around campus and paint all the ducks a uniform color! Abolishing trays in dining halls forces you to either take multiple trips, risk dropping your plates, or limit the amount of food you consume. The latter suggestion is inexcusable considering how overpriced dining halls generally are. These actions waste seconds, and over the years, they add up to minutes! Minutes that could be used with self pleasure! And nothing beats that. We can’t give up masturbation,! We must instead give up environmentalism. What has the Earth ever done for us, anyway? Life is overrated.

13 Best Places On Campus You Used To Be Able To Get Your Dick Sucked By Some Fucking Faggot

BY Don’t Put My Name on This

Before all this damn “political correctness” and “fucking Liberals,” a straight man could go to certain places on campus and get his nut busted no questions asked. When this school was a predominately white man school back in the day, it was the best way to keep cool and not too stressed. It was casual, you were at the urinal, some guy would come next to you, you nut in his fucking faggot face, and then you would go back to class. Now all these spots are all fucking boarded up or blocked off. So here is an Ode to the best places you used to be able to get your dick sucked on campus.

13: QUADS:

The scum of the earth would be on Livingston back in the day and any bathroom you would walk into you’d get your nut busted by a faggot.

12: New Gibbions:

They have that great Living Learning community for LGBTQIAs, but we just used to call it “Fag Town.” Just had to stand outside and you’d nut 10 minutes later.

11: Student Activities Center, 1st floor bathroom:

This was the place to get a more leisurely blow. if you had 30 min to kill you could go there and spend your time quite wisely.

10: Lucy Stone Hall:

All of the bathrooms. It is almost impossible to get into the building, let alone a bathroom, but once you did find it, damn, you were into some good ejaculation.

9: Right in front of William the Silent:

…He wont tell…

8: Scott Hall Lecture Hall Bathroom

This was the place when you wanted to be utterly disgusting. This was only for absolute pieces of scum. Shit stained toilets, piss all over the floor, the mouth of the faggots with herpes on their lips. It was real grunge.

7: Douglass Campus Center Bathroom next to the utility closet on the bottom floor.

Hard to find initially, but this nut busting spot is a real Easter egg. Stalls that go all the way to the floor in the stalls. Just enough space between the urinals and the sink for a faggot to look at your cock, or privacy if you want it. There was really good balance there way back when.

6: Ruth Adams Building:

This was the home of the notorious Brooklyn Ass Pounder. He sucked dick nightly in the second floor bathroom. He was a loyal man, and a great blow.

5: College Ave Student Center Basement bathroom:

Right behind the Red Lion was (and still is) the best designed bathroom to get yo dick sucked. So, you have two urinal bowls with no barriers so you can pee in the open, let some faggot see everything he has to work with. Then you had a huge glory hole right at the stall next to urinals. So you had options, it was really considerate.

4: Art History Building on Cook Bathroom:

Now this is where all the real faggots were. They were amazing. You walk downstairs into the bathroom and you see these urinals that were so close to each other. To get your dick sucked, all you had to do was splash the guy pissing next to you. Now the urinals are blocked by fucking barriers. No one can watch me pee anymore. 😡

3: Alexander Library floor 3B Bathroom.

This hole in the wall was a real hole in the wall. It was always a pretty occupied bathroom.

2: Loree Hall Bathroom:

This was a perfect one because the two stalls made it possible for you to be in one, while your dick was being sucked in the other. It could be a really busy day, lots of people in the lecture hall, and you’d be able to nut in privacy.

1: Records Hall: It used to be the shit. The barrier between the sinks and the urinal always made it hotter to not know who was coming into the bathroom, and the glory hole in that stall was always occupied.