BY Stephen A. Smiff
On Everyone’s Last Nerve
CLEVELAND—Native American tribes around the country have rallied around a different kind of tribe–the Cleveland Indians.
The Indians 22-game win streak not only set an American League record, but also cast aside any ill feelings Native Americans had toward white Americans, who killed their ancestors and destroyed their land.
“Honestly, after Standing Rock our people really needed a win,” said Isabela Yazzie, who lives in an Arizona reservation. “My family used to say America’s true past time was killing our people, but now that the Indians just set this record, we’re coming around to baseball.”
Native Americans have flocked to Cleveland’s Progressive Field over the last month, calling it their new spiritual home.
“Chief Wahoo used to be a symbol of ignorance, oppression and murder,” said Akecheta Sota, a Sioux Nation Chief. “Now it is my favorite mascot. Go Tribe!”
Though the country’s 300-plus reservations are comparatively poor, the Indians hot play has distracted its residents, focusing their sights on a blissful October.
“They’re going all the way this year I just know it,” said Alexander Azure, who lives in a Wyoming reservation. “Kluber is unhittable, and have you seen Lindor lately? And Bruce, what a pick up. Who cares if I have to hear about their success second hand due to our storied plight goes largely ignored, so we go without Internet and basic cable.”
In related news, Native American tribes–along with the general, sane public–think the Washington Redskins need to change their racist name.