BY Sue Denim
Gal That Fucks
NEW BRUNSWICK — In light of the recent news of the passing of Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, Rutgers University has decided to honor Hefner’s memory with a magazine of naked professors. Hefner died Wednesday night at the age of 91, surrounded by friends and loved ones in his mansion full of models. After hearing this tragic news, Rutgers University board members, including President Robert Barchi, met to discuss how the University should handle the death.
“We were thinking of how we could possibly honor the life of such a distinguished and admirable American leader, and came to the conclusion that the best way to keep his memory alive would be to keep the spirit of Playboy alive. That is why we will now be issuing our own monthly magazine of naked Rutgers professors,” said Barchi in an official University statement.
Rutgers has reached out to many professors to ask for their participation, and the invitations have been met with surprising enthusiasm. “I think it’s just a great way to celebrate the life of such a brilliant man,” said 51-year-old Anthropology professor Julie Russell, while posing nude around the Alexander Library flagpole.
Rutgers has promised payment of $200 to the teachers for each photo used in the magazine.
“As a tenured professor, money can get a little tight, so it’s nice to have an opportunity to make some cash on the side,” said 76-year-old Economics professor Howard Gurgich, while ass bent over his desk in front of flashing cameras.
Rutgers has since been meeting to decide who should run the magazine as editor-in-chief, and have already came to the decision to announce none other than athletic director Pat Hobbs, whom they believe will bring a certain spark to the position.
“I’m very excited to take this project under my belt. I’ve always wanted to do more with the teaching staff here, so I’m happy to get some more intercourse with these professors,” said Hobbs.
Hobbs projects that the magazine will make its money from production back in the first week, and will raise student morale. The magazine, to be called PlayKnight, will also feature peer-reviewed scientific articles, and will issue its first publication in time for Christmas.