Tag Archives: Activism

CLIMATE MARCH HOTBED OF USELESS ACTIVISM

BY MCLIMATE ZLOCA: STAFF WRITER

"GIVING A LOVING CARESS TO MOTHER NATURE'S O-ZONE" The worst thing is how all these calamities happened all at once.
“GIVING A LOVING CARESS TO MOTHER NATURE’S O-ZONE”
The worst thing is how all these calamities happened all at once.

NEW YORK CITY—Over 310,000 people gathered last Sunday in New York City for the Climate Summit at the United Nations. Correspondent Dick Green­est echoed the overall senti­ment of the protest: “The con­sciousness is finally changing. More and more people realize that corporations are guilty for everything ranging from cli­mate change, economic crisis, world inequality, bad weather, girls who turn you down, shit­ty grades, watered-down beer, hurricanes, and STDs… man, fuck corporations!”

Not everyone agrees. New York resident Rick Hurst ar­gued that the ever-increasing temperature seems to have had even some positive impacts. Most protesters, for example, were forced to wear skimpier clothing due to the heat. “In comparison to the activists back in the 1970s,” noted Hurst, “the majority of the girls here have shaved armpits and don’t smell and look like truck drivers.” “We came to march for cli­mate and take a lot of pictures to justify why we’re better than everyone else,” stated Tori Novi­elli, a sophomore in the business school.

Another Rutgers student sporting too many dreadlocks for a white person added, “I be­lieve it is a perfect opportunity to spruce up my Tumblr page and I support all efforts of the organizers to make this possi­ble. The power is back with the people.” Sadly, not everyone was happy with the outcome of the March. Namely, activists of the Elderly Jewish Lesbians for Cli­mate Action and Latin American Forest Rights group mournfully expressed that they felt under­represented. As member Phillis Jane lamented, “It’s like no one even knows we exist.”

As the day and march drew to a close, many members dis­persed toward nearby McDon­alds and Starbucks to congrat­ulate each other on a job well done.