If any of you guys knew me, you would totally agree, too. I’m pretty sure no one likes me. It’s gotten so bad, even my professors ask me to not even bother coming to classes anymore, they know the rest of the class is gonna just make fun of me for eighty minutes. I try telling my parents about it, but my dad just calls me a pussy before going to cry about his failure of a son, and my mom always says I’m “a walking abortion advertisement.” This last time I went home, while sleeping outside in the dog house, I had an amazing idea: I could get aborted!
I was so excited and told my parents and they were just as excited, saying, “Oh thank God!” However, as a cis white male, I was totally unaware of any political movements, and apparently there are people who want abortion to be illegal? I don’t know, something about “pro-life” and “we own women,” but none of these people know me. If they did, I’m pretty certain they would all agree that abortion should not only be legal but even required in some cases. On top of this, I feel people should be able to be aborted at any age, so people like me don’t have to inconvenience everyone else anymore. Please, if you’re reading this, make sure to vote pro-choice in the coming elections, so I can get put down like the filthy animal I am.