Quit Being A Bitch
BY Bundle of Sticks
I understand if it’s difficult, but you seriously need to stop being a bitch. I understand that, as a female dog, it is your nature to fetch sticks and retrieve them for your owner. However, it is extremely impolite and it really hurts the feelings I have in the context of this article.
You are supposed to be one of the most intelligent animals. I am asking you to please try your best to not act like a total and complete bitch. Stop pissing everywhere. Stop barking every time pedestrians pass the house. Stop fucking menstruating on the goddamn couch for fuck’s sake! I bet you couldn’t stop being a bitch if you tried. Goddamnit, here comes the mail truck again. STOP FUCKING BARKING ARRGHHHH! IF YOU BARK ONE MORE TIME I SWEAR I’M GOING TO SNAP!
Shut Up, Faggot
BY Female Dog
Seriously, it’s not my fault you’re a goddamn faggot. Look here, I’m just a dog. I get bored, so I chase sticks. When I see a bundle of sticks, of course I get excited. I live a simple life in a simple home. Don’t hate on that.
You can’t blame me for my bodily functions. It’s not my fault if my owners don’t walk me enough. Believe me, I’d rather pee outside, where I can run around and play fetch with the sticks in the backyard. Maybe I’ll even pee in the front yard, to avoid dealing with stupid faggots like you. Is that the mail truck? WOOF WOOF BARK BARK BARK MAIL TRUCK WOOF BARK BARK MAIL TRUCK MUST CHASE!