Category Archives: 2016 elections

Stage Technician Becomes Presidential Favorite After Wonderful Performance Behind Microphone at Debate

BY Sue DeNimm
Saw a Cool Bird

At the midpoint of the historical September 26th presidential debate, the world watched in awe as underdog candidate George D’Onofrio won the hearts of moderators and audience members with his incredible performance that sprung him into the lead for the job as President of the United States. Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton was in the middle of answering her proposed question of how she will deal with a possible nuclear threat in North Korea when the power in the microphones went out, and D’Onofrio was at the rescue. For twenty minutes he was on stage working at the podiums, reconfiguring the wires, and looking like he was in control of the whole situation.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said lucky audience member Sally Hornsby, “He was so proficient, so graceful.”

FIXED ELECTION George D’Onofrio working his magic on stage while onlookers wait eagerly.

Many watchers seemed skeptical of his ability to run the country better than Clinton or Trump at the beginning, but it was his memorable words that convinced both parties’ supporters to rally behind him.

“We are currently doing everything we can to fix the situation, we appreciate your patience” were the first words he addressed to the nation, and after they were uttered the audience erupted in fervent cheer chanting his name. Once the electricity was back on the debate continued without D’Onofrio, but there was a clear lack of energy in the air without the man. One thing was clear at the end of this debate, this man will surely be the man running our country in 2017.

Bernie excited to finally get to go back to living as just a regular guy

BY Sue Denimm
Senior Political Correspondent

After much time campaigning to be America’s next president, Bernie Sanders is looking forward to doing what he is best at: being a normal guy. Sanders said he is looking forward to taking a break from the high-class celebrity lifestyle he experienced during his campaign trail, with its red carpet rollouts, adoring fans, and exuberant motels. Vermont residents have already spotted him wandering the streets of their hometowns, as if he was just another kindly old gentleman taking a stroll through the park.

“You would think he would be so much more pretentious after being famous, but he seems so down to Earth!” said former Bernie supporter Patricia Thompson.

“This is incredible”, said Sanders while sitting on a bench feeding the local birds, “It’s probably even better than life as president. It’s nice to be able to walk through the streets like an average Joe.”

Bernie has been spotted doing various other mundane activities such as shopping for groceries, going to the movies, and complaining about deli prices.