Santa is Real, Because He Touched My Penis

The year was 1986, it was Christmas eve and I could not wait to see what sort of presents I had in store for me this Christmas. I had asked Santa for the new Nintendo Entertainment system, I was so excited. I had just turned 16 so I was a lot more mature and thoughtful about meeting Santa that night.

I had several cups of coffee to avoid going to sleep at my usual 8 PM bedtime and I waited by the fireplace for Santa to show up. My mom kept trying to convince me that Santa wasn’t real, but I didn’t believe her. She even showed me this gifts she got for me, but I knew there was no way they weren’t from Santa.

I waited by the fireplace all night until at around 11 PM I suddenly hear a knock on the door. I went to answer it and there he was. Santa Claus standing right in front of me. I was speechless. He then said, “well kid, you gonna let me?” I was too amazed to answer, so I just moved to the side and he walked in. What was a bit strange was he was not wearing his usual attire. He was dressed in rubber boots, which I guess is similar to what he normally wears, a dark green plaid shirt, a pair of dirty jeans, I guess from all the chimney climbing, and his classic red hat and coat, which also looked a bit dirty for the same reason. Besides for this different look, I could tell it was definitely Santa and assumed he had the bag of toys waiting outside.

As he settled himself on the couch he began eating the cookies and milk and told me they were delicious. And the first words I spoke to him were, “I made them, I’m glad you liked them.” Then he said, “Well, boy it seems there are a lot of things about you that I like” and he grabbed me by my penis. I was both frightened and honored by what had just happened. I could feel his Christmas magic pulsing from my ball up through my entire body.

I then heard my mother scream. She had proceeded to call the cops and got Santa arrested. Santa is now in prison and the government covered it up. So the reason Santa No longer comes down your chimney at night is not because he does not exist it is because of my stupid mom. My mom keeps telling me it was not Santa, but I still don’t talk to her.

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