NASA’s Mars InSight Lander Really Needs to get Shit Together

Bot Joplin
Wants to follow you

If you’ve somehow been able to avoid the nonstop barrage of headlines this week, NASA landed on Mars (again) last Monday. Since then, the space agency has literally been on everyone’s dick about it, constantly reminding the American public of how mind-bendingly great their InSight lander is doing on the red planet.

It is, of course, objectively amazing that man managed to touch down on extraterrestrial soil, but it’s only been six years since the last time we did this, and the coverage is starting to feel a little self-aggrandizing. InSight’s moment in the low-intensity Martian sun was short-lived, however. In just its second week on the job, InSight was completely outshone by its own forbear.

The Curiosity rover, which until recently held the title of NASA’s most recent and hottest Mars landing, might have had reason to worry about its reputation if InSight hadn’t turned out to be such a fucking slacker. We all know adjusting to a new job can be tough, but the new kid on Mars doesn’t even seem to be trying.

Last week, InSight, dumb circle things and all, was spotted just roving around the surface of Mars, claiming to be on the hunt for “internal heat.” Meanwhile, Curiosity proved it was still young and full of pep Monday when it mercilessly zeroed in on a shiny, unidentified object, discovering it for all mankind. The object, which has been described as a “mysterious, lustrous lump,” might be either a meteorite or some type of native mars rock.

NASA has already announced that they hope this shiny object may provide some insight into the presence of life of Mars, so it’s safe to say that Curiosity is banging hard. InSight, on the other hand, has been proving itself more incompetent by the day. InSight reportedly spends its time digging holes of completely arbitrary size and spacing, in hopes of “understanding the formation of the planet.”

Things are looking pretty grim for this newcomer, but experts are hoping to see it pull through for the 2019 season.

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