Destroy Dick December Ruined by Tumblr Porn Ban

By Jen Dirbender

 

When No Nut November ended just a few days ago, meat beaters across the globe warmed their hands, broke out the Jergens, and collectively did their best to make God cry. With the annual month of masturbationlessness behind them, it seemed that things were looking up for the jackers and jillers of the world. But little did they know, a dark future lay on the horizon.

Tumblr.com, a site known best known for social justice, and porn has announced that starting on December 17th, it will be banning all “not safe for work” content from the site. This decision, intended to make the site more comfortable for younger users, has been described as “bad” by long time users of the site.

“Now where am I supposed to find Naruto inflation porn alongside a 100 page fan fiction about the first time Shikamaru realized he gets hard as fuck whenever Choji uses  his signature jutsu?” asked the owner of chidori-inside-me.tumblr.com.

This question and many like it have been echoed across the site in the days since the ban’s announcement. The sheer volume of complaints has been staggering, and has many wondering if the Tumblr staff have ever even used their site. Conservative estimates place the number of accounts to be banned at: all of them.

Public outcry has been massive, with all manner of degenerates voicing their opinions including furries, toonphiles, BDSM enthusiasts, age-players, and my uncle Dennis.  Many members of these groups have decided to boycott the site in protest, in an extremely ironic attempt to have the decision reversed.

It is currently unclear what site the displaced perverts will flock to in response to this adversity, but my money is on Reddit.

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