5 Ways to Spice Up your Bedroom

By – P. P. Harding

  1. X Marks the Spot– Get really into pirate role play. Have your first mate draw a red “X” where they want to ejaculate and if they hit their target yell “Shiver me timbers!”, then both enjoy a nice orange to prevent scurvy.
  2. Sundae Surprise– Grab yourself some sprinkles, whip up some cream, get some ice cream. Put the toppings on the ice cream. Eat the ice cream. Do not have sex.
  3. Pinata Party– wear a blindfold and grab that old baseball bat from out of the garage. Tie your partner up and violently beat them with the bat within an inch of their life.
  4. Cum Home for Christmas– Get festive! Take a candy cane and repeatedly shove it in and out of your partner’s asshole until the end of it looks like the tip of a Christmas tree star
  5. Shrexy– Reuse your condoms! Place your used condoms over your partner’s ears (to look like Shrek) and have them yell “GET OUT OF MAH SWAMP” in a thicc Scottish accent.

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