Trump stands by Saudi crown: “He’s a great Fortnite squad member”

By: Throbin Williams

A few days ago the CIA concluded that Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman ordered the assassination of journalist Jamal Khashoggi, but Donald Trump is standing by his word that bin Salman is a great guy.

“He’s a tremendous ally to me in Fortnite. He always makes sure his callouts are clear and shares his healables. And he is the best sniper I’ve ever seen.” Trump said.

In an interview with Fox News Trump said he believes that the prince had nothing to do with the killing, citing that he’s always online with him playing Fortnite and wouldn’t have had time to order it. A spokesperson from the CIA who requested to remain anonymous said that Trump spends roughly five hours a day playing the popular game with the prince.

“Sometimes we just play duos together, which is my favorite,” Trump said. “But other times Putin will get on between campaigns. And we usually rotate Bezos or Zuckerberg in as our fourth, but we’ll settle for Musk if we have to.”

The CIA reported that along with the recorded phone calls implicating the prince in the ordering of the killing and a recording on Khashoggi’s apple watch at the time of his death, they have obtained recordings of the prince in his home via his Amazon Echo device. The recordings detail the prince’s side of a conversation of him and Trump during a game of Fortnite where the prince clearly and verbally orders the killing.

Another anonymous source from the CIA confirmed that the prince ordered the assassination to someone else in the room while discussing where he and Trump where they should go once the circle closed. They even shared a clip of the conversation in an encrypted flash drive sent to The Medium.

“We should move into that porta fort, it’s totally abandoned. Oh shit! There’s a squad to our East… What? Yeah yeah just kill the guy…. Oh shit good shot Don.”

The Saudi Government says that the team who killed and dismembered Khashoggi was rogue and the crown had no knowledge of the operation. They also claim that the prince is always busy playing Fortnite with the president.

More updates to come after the prince orders the execution of five prisoners and claims they are the members of the hit squad being handed capital punishment.

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