By Ivan Yakinoff
Still Needs to do Taxes
NEW YORK— In the latest in season roster move, the New York Yankees have made the surprise move of the season by signing Bangladeshi cricket super star Shakib Al Hasan to their new starting roster. Hasan, the greatest cricket player from Bangladesh, is thrilled that he can finally live his life long goal of being the first rich guy to achieve the American dream.
“Everyone knows about the American dream and how dirt poor people from developing countries come to get a somewhat better life in a country with an even higher cost of living than their own home country. But today I break that trend. I already enjoy a life of luxury in Bangladesh and now in America I enjoy an even bigger life of luxury with legal booze and fine women from all corners of Earth. said Hasan.
General manager Brian Cashman and manager Aaron Boone welcomed Hasan to the team and America by buying him a ecomomy flight from Dhaka and making him pay for his own hotel in the Bronx. Believing him to the big star that will help bring the Yankees back to their glory days, the team signed him to a 15 year, $690 million contract, which is currently the largest contract in MLB history.
Despite the fact the cricket and baseball are still very different sports, the Yankees seem to be completely oblivious to that fact. They are totally confident that Hasan will have no problem transitioning from one sport that takes forever to complete to another sport that takes forever to complete.
“We heard what people said, that Hasan won’t be able to grasp the boringness and the slow ass snail pace of baseball, but rest be assured he’s got that locked down. He’s already brought his bulk size order of sunflower seeds and chewing tobacco” said manager Aaron Boone.
In preparation for his new life in America, Hasan is staying in bed dreaming about achieving the American dream.