By Jared Huckabee
As the March For Our Lives, leftist, LGBT, godless, bastard children continue to call on the government to come for our guns. I believe that there is an easier and wiser strategy to prevent horrible tragedies like the shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, FL. You see, I’ve made it clear in past columns that I’m a God- fearing, wife-loving, sanctity-of-marriage-believing American. Just because some deranged deep stater decided to go off in a school with an AR doesn’t mean I should lose my Second Amendment right to own guns. For Pete’s Sake, how am I supposed to defend myself from minorities when I snoop around their neighborhoods?
Anyway, I digress, I believe that our problem cannot be remedied by the removal of guns, and that it can only be remedied by the addition of more guns into schools. Back when I was in grade school, up in Sussex County, our gym teachers used to teach us to shoot bows and arrows. We had cheap plastic arrows and cheap wooden bows and we’d learn to hit targets. Now I’m not saying that that archery isn’t a valuable skill to have, not at all! What I’m saying though, is couldn’t those targets be put to better use? Why did we have to stop at archery? I believe our gym teachers, like my former gym teacher, former marine and current patriot, Mr. McMann, should be able to teach kids to shoot rifles! I believe that we should be teaching riflery in gym class starting in kindergarten. With the knowledge of rifles and shooting, we can be assured that our students will know the insides and outsides of guns. From the time they’re young, our children should be trained to shoot moving pigeons and stationary targets. With this, they can be in charge of defending their own schools from the insane lefties who violently push their agendas and bullets on our kids. We can even allow students who excel at shooting to be in charge of maintaining a classroom watch, similar to a neighborhood watch. These students will be in charge of concealed carry weapons in class and will guard the class with their lives. They’ll be able to shoot back at the shooters before the shooters even know what hit them. These students can also be in charge of learning CPR so as to revive their fellow soldie — errr, classmates as they fall in battl — errrr, algebra II.
I think I’ve made it clear that we cannot stand around and let the gay Jews push us around. The NRA is right, the only thing that stops a delusional transgender leftist with a gun is a good guy with a gun, and who better to arm then the kids fighting in the trenches for their right to learn about Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. (who by the way, cheated on his wife). In conclusion, God bless our children, God bless our troops, and God bless the United States.