Full Week of School Surprises Students

Early Monday morning students at Rutgers University were stunned by the five-day forecast: no winter storm this week. “But I brought my sled to school this week!”, says Katherine Miller, an aspiring Olympic luger. After not having a full week of school for three weeks, students gathered near the one shit-laden hill next to Hill Center to ponder what the week has to hold. “Fuck, now I actually have to go to Organic Chemistry on Wednesdays”, says one student while another, in disbelief, chirped, “I will not leave here until the next snow storm.” The
small hill, once snow laden and seen as an escape from the horrors of what the campus holds, was now a sludge of mud and filth. “How does something with so much life giving power one week prove to be a breeding ground for such demonic geese another?”, says Antoine Dingle, a student pursuing a minor Philosophy. A vigil is planned this Wednesday at Hill Center to remember the memories a few students have lost.

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