Students Expelled Following Urine-Filled Balloon Prank

By Andrew Bluestein

Three School of Arts and Sciences seniors were expelled Monday afternoon after throwing urine-filled water balloons from the 11th floor of The Yard on College Avenue.

The University’s disciplinary committee denied the trio’s lawyers request for leniency in the sentencing. The incident, which happened on Saturday, shocked passersby who were struck by the biohazard balloons.

“These actions are vulgar and disappointing,” said Chief of University Police Kenneth Cop. “Rutgers does not condone the throwing of so-called ‘piss-balloons’ off university buildings.”

The slang term for these flying, hazardous objects is “pissloons,” according to the the three students, Eduardo Gomez, Ranjit Singh and Rebecca Finkelstein, who is the resident of the room.

According to police reports, the students were stopped before they tossed other bodily fluid-filled balloons out the 11th floor window.

When the resident assistant walked into the room, he found Singh tossing the last urine-filled balloon out the window, Gomez ejaculating into one balloon over the sink, and Finkelstein squatting over another balloon by the couch, filling it with menstrual blood, according to Cop.

“These actions are not representative of a Rutgers student,” said Cop. “We hope our student body does not celebrate such unbecoming acts. One should never fill a water balloon with period blood, especially an unmarried woman.”

Students outside The Yard facing the onslaught of urine-filled balloons were unamused by the trio’s actions.

“It’s just amateurish,” said senior Jesse Roberts. “Everybody knows you start with the period blood.” The trio did not explain what inspired the crime. Only Gomez commented on the incident.

“I mean, me personally, I was super horny and we had all these water balloons around,” said Gomez. “There’s a water crisis, man. We can’t be wasting water. And all this plastic– I can’t just let it go to waste. I can’t control what my friends did, but I’m trying to save the Earth, man.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s