Progressive! Rutgers Adds Fresh New Pile of Horse Shit to Cook/Douglass Campus

By Sue De Nimm
Head of the Danny Fan-tom

NEW BRUNSWICK— Following the success of the first one, Rutgers has unveiled a brand new pile of horse shit smack dab in the middle of the Cook/Douglass campus. Last semester, students discovered the first pile on College Farm Road, and they were pretty thrilled.

“I was on my way to class when my nose caught some unfamiliar, yet welcoming stench. I looked down and I saw what appeared to be a giant pile of horse feces. Needless to say, I was quite amazed.” said junior Laura Tabor. The pile was put there by the Rutgers department of animal sciences as a public art display.

“We wanted to create a piece of work that would both represent our department and our university, as well as something that’s a pleasure on the eyes,” said head of the project Barbara Newport. “I got the idea when the police horse I was riding, King Charles IX, laid a big one right there next to the sidewalk. I just saw it and thought, ‘Wow, now that’s a beauty.’ So I just pitched it to the animal science people.” “Rutgers has always been an institution that prides itself on its appreciation and cultivation of the arts, and this was a way to bring that love of all things artistic and beautiful and bring it out of the museums and onto the streets,” said Newport. “This way, students can walk by that steaming pile of shit every day on their way to class and appreciate the finer things in life.” This past week, the group surprised us all with their newest installment, right by the Lipman Hall bus stop.

“I came off the bus, and I remember feeling pretty glum that day. Then I feel something mushy on the soles of my brand new suede Birkenstocks, and I see the brand new pile of horse shit! It definitely made my day,” said sophomore Jason Nguyen. Hopefully the 2018 Summer vacation will give the horses time to bulk up, eat some fiber, and gift us with a brand new display for next semester.

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