April to be Renamed “Women’s March”

By Sue De Nimm
Technically Not a Woman

WASHINGTON D.C.— With the recent protests and walks for women’s rights going on all across the country, Congress has decided to finally cave and call April “Women’s March”. This is a decisive victory for feminists, and one that we think will be a great way to recognize all the great things women have done for this nation. As we all know, February is Black History month, and March is Men’s History month, so from now anyone, April will be known as Women’s March. “Obviously the protests weren’t going to get any actual change done, like lower the wage gap or stop the rampant sexual abuse in Hollywood, but this is a great way to pretend that we all live equally and appreciate women,” said totally not misogynistic local man Graham O’Reilly. Since March encourages doing manly things, such as drinking beer, forgetting to pick up your kids from day care, and crashing your pick up truck into a local Denny’s, April will encourage womanly things, such as caring for your twelve polio- ridden children, dressing modestly enough so as not to give men a half chub, and peacefully protesting for civil rights that no one with power will ever take seriously.

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