By Nahil Akbar
Man, I’d never thought I could do it, but I was able to escape the state penitentiary in Trenton. I couldn’t believe just how easy it was. Our prison guard was out for the day so we had our substitute cop in. What was even better is that it was donut day at the cafeteria. I stuffed a whole box in my pants and when it was time for the daily routine checks, it was my time to shine. When the cop came to my cell, he fainted from the aroma of my ball sweat covered donuts. Then, I reached for his keys, took his clothes, and walked my way to freedom. Too easy. Even skipping physical education class back during my school days was more of a challenge than this. Hell, this was even easier than escaping my former arranged marriage. I kept telling my parents I didn’t want to marry and I’d rather just live my life as a crappy fiction writer. They weren’t having it. They kept saying words like dishonor, family, doctor, and disappointment. I honestly didn’t care. Nor did I care about the girl they were trying to arrange me with. As I resisted every attempt from my parents trying to get me married, I unintentionally created Family Politics War episode 2434. The episode finally ended when I decided to rob my family’s own convenience store, so I could be sent to prison. Only then did I finally escape the nightmare. While I may have lost 6 months of my life in the slammer, I in return saved myself many years of misery from my parents asking when my children would become doctors and eternity of being married to a woman I didn’t love.