White People Need to Die

By Bill O’Leary

Yeah. That’s right, you read that right, white people need to die. I don’t mean every single one of them. But I do believe we—yeah that’s right, I’m a whitey too—need to shed some blood. Every time I see the headline, “Man shot by police,” I hope that the victim is a white male. It’s only fair. We deserve it. Each time, I open up my laptop and click on the news links to see if I’m going to see the face of a white bastard, deserving of a bullet, and instead it’s always some poor, black kid, who was wearing a hoodie, or walking down the street with skittles. It’s just so unjust that only minorities are shot by police and I believe that maybe the best way to get over the racial divide in this country is to allow for the score to be evened. I firmly believe whitey has to spill some blood to make that happen, only then will our country be united. I offer to be first.

How to Foster a Sense of Community on the Bus

By The Nifty Knitter

1. Make individual eye contact with each and every person sitting in a seat or standing.
2. Always offer your seat or the seat of someone who looks physically capable of standing to someone who looks physically incapable of standing.
3. Always engage in conversation with the bus driver.
4. Always welcome people as they enter the bus.
5. Always wish people well as they exit the bus.
6. If someone starts eating something with nuts, make sure to
make an announcement to see if anyone has allergies.
7. Offer to hold someone’s backpack if they look worn out.
8. Offer your lap to children when there are no seats left, they have poor balance.
9. If someone is listening to music, be sure to ask who the artist is.
10. Offer the person next to you one of your headphones if you’re listening to music.