“AN EXPERT AT MISMANAGING THINGS ”
Donald Trump has led his football team to the bottom of league standings this season while simultaneously doing the same to the USA.
By Throb Lowe
Suffers From Dry Scalp
WASHINGTON—As this year’s NFL season winds down to an end, fantasy winners and losers are beginning to secure their finishing spots. The most notable loser, is the one and only Donald J. Trump, coming in dead last in the government’s league this year.
Finishing with only one win, Trump’s team placed dead last in a league filled with other political figures. Trump’s only victory this season was over Hillary Clinton’s team in the early weeks. His first mistake was using his first round pick to secure handsome, white millionaire Tom Brady.
“Brady is the best player on the field. Only haters and losers would pass on him in 1st rnd. Dems picked shady characters and Pittsburgh players. Sad!” Trump tweeted out at 3 a.m. the night of his draft.
The one place Trump shined this season was on the league message boards, where he managed to send more messages than his team scored points all season. According to statistics pulled from ESPN’s fantasy app, Trump’s team didn’t score more than 75 points during any given matchup.
“He spends so much time on his phone, you’d think he could do some research,” said Paul Ryan “In the draft he took Brady and the Browns D early because Cleveland hosted the RNC.”
When prompted to give a statement on his poor standing in the league, Trump told reporters that they were the ones in last and he was undefeated.
Trump is set to face Bernie Sanders in the toilet bowl this year. However, Sanders remains confident after a suspicious loss to Clinton last year.