Sean Spicer Writes Children’s Book

BY Barbara Not Walters
Eyebrow Expert

WASHINGTON D.C. – National Press Secretary Sean Spicer is preparing to branch out from his White House position, and has started by writing his very own children’s book. The 8-page picture book, titled “Chicken Soup for the Repressed Soul,” has been a passion project for Spicer.

“As a kid, I never read any books that I felt were relatable I mean come on, ‘The Giving Tree,’ ‘Charlotte’s Web,” fucking ‘Night’ by Elie Wiesel?! How could anyone expect me to relate to that? That’s why I wrote my book I wanted little angry white kids across the country to understand the pain of not being able to speak a proper sentence,” Spicer said in a long, drawn out statement.

Spicer has been under fire lately for controversial statements made during his press conferences, and many have suspected that his time as Press Secretary is coming to an end. Acknowledging such, Spicer apparently decided that now was the time to get his book published, despite everyone around him begging him not to.

“Chicken Soup for the Repressed Soul” chronicles the quest of a pudgy, red-faced young boy as he searches for a bowl of chicken soup not made at a Chinese restaurant.

“I truly hope that my book becomes a success, and is taught in various concentration camps wait shit, that’s not what I meant obviously I mean Holocaust Centers, I hear kids learn a lot at those place and I fully support them in every way someone please help me I cannot stop talking this has been a constant problem my entire life is this punishment for not reading ‘Anne Frank’ as a kid oh fuck fuck.”

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