Random Thoughts You Don’t Have (But Probably Should)

BY Latin Mama

1. You may already be having these thoughts (who am I to judge)…

2. Is R. Kelly STILL trapped in that closet? And why has no one called Life Alert yet??

3. What are the actual lyrics to “La Macarena”?? (**I’ve recently discovered that it is not in fact “One Bop-a Two Bop-a Three, Macarena” as I have suspected for years…)

4. If I roll a joint with my notes from class, does that count as studying?

5. What about if I use the textbook pages?? Still no???

6. When will Bernie Sanders (a.k.a. God’s Sweet, Luscious Gift to this Earth) reply to all those erotic letters I sent him?? Postage to VT wasn’t cheap, ya know.

7. What are Gushers made out of? (JK, I don’t wanna know…)

8. How many times can I say the word “onomatopoeia” before it sounds like an Italian person saying “I don’t wanna pee-uh”? (TRY IT)

9. What is the standard weekly rate for masturbation nowadays and should I see a doctor?? (**Asking for a friend)

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