WASHINGTON–According to multiple sources America is on the brink of falling apart. News reports explaining a shooting at an elementary school, a video of a man being forcibly removed from a United flight for no reason, and an attack on the Syrian government which may or may not start WWIII have been running rampant through television networks as well as Twitter.
This is all fake news. The true news is that America is doing just fine! Other news reports detail how fine America is by focusing on stories like the return of Prison Break and Kylie Jenner finally getting her own show.
The confusion of the American state can be seen throughout the nation. Tweets from Massachusetts to Hawaii have showed citizens expressing their fear and sadness in regards to the state of the Union. This all however is unfounded. The reality of the Union is that everything is going great and no one should be worried at all!
The new iPhone is coming out! In truth, how can a nation that is unveiling the new iPhone being in turmoil? It’s not possible.
Some more proof that America is seriously doing just fine is that Mariah Carey, yes the Mimi, is coming out with a new album this year! Sources in Washington have said that an album from the pop diva could do wonders for the American economy and right every wrong ever done.
More examples of America’s prosperity can be seen in the common supermarket. Reports have shown that the amount of strawberries available for purchase in 2017 has risen 200% from where it was in 2016. The ability to get almost a hundred pound of strawberries at any given time regardless of geographic location in the US is a true testament to how fine the country is.
America is just fine just ask Kendall Jenner.