Trump Environmental Team Warns “The Air” Greatest Threat To World’s Water Supply

Mr. Midwest
Suspiciously Nice

WASHINGTON—Trump’s EPA Transition Team held a long-awaited press conference today to outline their plans and concerns for the next four years. The conference, however, came with a grave message for the masses.

“We’re here today with a serious warning for the American people. We believe that we have uncovered the greatest issue facing our environment— the water crisis. Forget the Global Warming myth. Forget pollution from, uh, factories and garbage and whatnot. Forget whatever that Flint, Michigan thing was. We have never seen a threat of this magnitude,” the Speaker of the Transition Team delivered in a most somber tone.

The threat in question? — The Air. After pouring through vast amounts of data, the transition team has concluded that while pollution and other issues might compromise the cleanliness of the world’s water supply, they don’t quite “steal it, like The Air does.”

Every single day, evaporation is taking place over the entire planet. In the world’s oceans alone, evaporation accounts for the loss of 425,000 cubic kilometers of water per year. That’s roughly 1,400 cubic kilometers (or 1,400,000,000,000,000 liters) of water lost to The Air each day on Earth. The Transition Team also emphasized the threat to the average American consumer, stating that the typical backyard pool loses about a quarter-inch in depth of water each day to evaporation.

This is water that pool owners are directly paying for, emphasized the Transition Team Speaker. “Now how much is that? Like a whole bottle or something? Me and my wife, we usually buy those big packs from Costco— you know, it’s like forty bottles for three bucks? That means the average family is losing like, uh, maybe a dollar each week… Well, you can to do the math. But whatever the case, that’s money gone with the wind, pun intended,” he said, which was followed with a chuckle from the rest of the Transition Team.

When the Q&A portion arrived, a reporter for The Medium inquired what was going to be done about this water crisis, but the press conference ended before a response could be provided.

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