Bananas Are the Most Dangerous Fruit
BY James Manifase
I realize it’s a cliché to trip over a banana peel, but I recently learned that it’s a cliché due to being a realistic danger. Just last week I slipped over 3 bananas peels in the dining hall! That alone makes it far more menacing than non-slippery fruit, such as grapes.
Bananas are also curved in such a way that it can easily be pressed against a person’s neck and block their windpipe from the outside. I watched my uncle die in a domestic dispute when I was three years old. My aunt got angry and pressed my uncle against a wall and held a banana to his neck. I thought bananas were harmless until I watched the life slowly drain out of my uncle’s eyes.
To be fair, my aunt gave me the banana after the incident and it tasted mighty damn good.
Cantaloupes Are Far More Dangerous
BY Mike Baluta
The guy above mostly is sound and logical, but he appears to have forgotten about the one true terrible fruit. Cantaloupes.
Unlike bananas, cantaloupes grow on vines. Which means overripe cantaloupes will eventually detach from the vine and plummet to the ground. If you just happen to be leaning on the wall directly under the vine, your head will be assaulted by roughly three pounds of food. That’s enough to mildly annoy an eight year old child.
In addition, I have witnessed people slipping on cantaloupes, just as they do bananas. Since they fall to the ground naturally, the danger is greater, as more people will fall over them.
The lesson here, is don’t eat fruit. Fast food is both much safer, and cheaper!