Girl Bravely Goes Shopping By Herself

Barbara Not Walters
Resident Conversator

EDISON— In an unprecedented move, a young woman bravely managed to make it to the mall and shop by herself. Kara Fleming, a freshman in the School of Arts and Sciences, got in her car on Saturday afternoon and drove—all on her own—to the Menlo Park Mall in Edison. However, once she arrived, she began having doubts.

“I’ve never gone shopping by myself. I don’t even go to the mall by myself! Like, who actually does?” She told reporters after the fact.

Regardless, Fleming continued to walk in and out of various stores, trying on outfits. Braving through the discomfort and judging glances she got from 16 year old mean girls in Abercrombie, Fleming still managed to make a few purchases, even without getting approval from her friends first.

“I bought a couple of dresses and some really cute tops. Oh and tons of cheap jewelry!” Fleming exclaimed. “Since my friends weren’t with me, I couldn’t get their validation, but I took a big risk and bought the stuff anyway. Seriously, this is a big deal. Girls NEVER buy stuff without getting a friend’s approval first.”

Despite the harrowing experience, Fleming says that she came out of the experience a changed woman. She says that she now feels more comfortable going out to shop by herself, and is also in the process of trying to go on other outings by herself.

“I am realizing that it’s actually a lot of fun being by myself. I’m awesome, fuck my stupid friends,” she cried.

Fleming reportedly has plans to go to the movies by herself next weekend and buy a big ass popcorn to not share with anyone.

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